Informed Parent vs. Squeaky Wheel

I had a meeting with my son's preschool teacher this morning.  He is just over 3 1/2 and has been in his current school since mid-September 2012, so about six months.  In this time, he's been in two different classrooms, and will be moving again in June, promoted to the school readiness preschool room for four-year-olds.  Thankfully, he should be in that room a full year and then, dare I say it, Kindergarten (What?!  who has a Kindergartner? I am still mother to a baby, that's right a 4 ft tall baby!).  Denial aside, my son will be in elementary school in less than two years.

There are countless studies enumerating the benefits of parental involvement in school; articles espousing the increased success and accomplishment of students with engaged parents; and charter schools that won't let students in without signatures and tangible commitments from their parents.   I get it; I'm supposed to know what is going on as Michael's parent, supposed to help with homework, reinforce concepts at home and go to PTA meetings.  And I have always had every intention of doing that and have worked to build lines of communication with his teachers.  But I must say, it's been a bumpy road thus far.  Myki has been in four daycare/preschool centers since his birth due to varying circumstances (job transitions, waiting lists and inflexible commutes).  

In each case, the communication between his teacher and I did not come naturally as you'd think it would, or as easily as the books said it would be.  Sometimes, it's like pulling teeth.  And sometimes it has felt like the teacher doesn't REALLY know him, his development or his personality.  Today's meeting was somewhere between the best and worst I've ever had.  The teacher had not been informed that a meeting was scheduled (awesome!).  She proceeded to explain the classroom structure and how Myki was evaluated (six months in and this is the first I hear of it).  She then asked me what my objectives were for Myki and what I wanted to see in terms of progress and objectives.  I explained that I wanted as much communication as possible and what my goals were for Myki's development.

There wasn't much feedback, just very sincere smiles and nods.  I absolutely believe that his teacher wants to fulfill my expectations, but I'm not sure she knows very much about Myki, or perhaps she's been instructed not to provide critical feedback, or any feedback?  I know some parents just don't want to hear it, and I tried to make it clear that I want to hear it all, the good, the bad and the ugly. Nurturing Myki's strengths and recognizing and addressing his weaknesses is critical  - standard problem solving logic, right?

Whenever I have these meetings, I almost feel guilty.  I never know if I am being a good proactive parent or a squeaky wheel?  Why do I get these blank stares and "smile and nods" from these teachers if I'm supposed to be talking to them all the time; am I an anomaly?  Right now, we're talking basics; but what happens when we're talking about more critical things?  I know I need to be "in the know" when it comes to Myki's education, but I sure do hope it gets easier.  I want to the sitcom relationship where Myki's teacher and I exchange pleasantries and she spontaneously tells me some funny story of the day and updates me on A,B and C (literally).  Does that come with elementary school, or will it always be work on my end to coax it out?