Clearing my Head

I don't have many memories of my parents together.  They got divorced when I was 10 and while most people can remember all the way back to three or four, I really only have a handful of memories before 10. ...further testament that there is too much going on in my head I suppose.  Apparently it's pushing out the details of my youth!

One of the few memories I do have is being allowed to stay up late on Friday and Saturday nights to watch a movie or HBO boxing (I'm pretty sure my parents bought every fight).  I could only stay up if I took a shower, lotion-ed myself down and put on clean pajamas.  Then I'd slip onto the couch with my Dad and watch about 30 minutes of "grown-up" TV before falling asleep.  The next morning I'd vaguely remember being carried to bed in the wee hours.  

But before that happened, I had to take a shower, a real shower.  I was often sent back up to the bathroom to try again - "That was less than 5 minutes;" "You're neck isn't even wet, you didn't shower;" "Did you even use soap?"  "I washed the important parts," I'd plead. Needless to say, I was not a fan of the shower!  Outside of the meticulous way in which I comb my hair out, I probably never spent more than 5 minutes in the shower actually bathing until recently.

I know find myself longing for the shower.  I find it difficult to get out the door in time in the morning because what used to be a 10 minute routine has extended to 30.  When I'm home on the weekends, with no plans, the first place I go after putting Myki down for a nap is the shower.  I think it is really the only place where I can clear my head, and the only place I am truly alone.  I can't bring paper into the shower (no lists), no iPhone to respond to emails or texts, scroll through my Facebook news feed or Pinterest (the definition of time suck) or read blogs (of which I've recently become obsessed).  While my son has no problem intruding on me anywhere else in the house, in any state of undress, he seems to leave me be in the shower.

One of my good friends, a mother to two, has recently discovered meditation.  She recommends I focus on my breathing when I'm feeling overwhelmed and has sent me some short guided meditations as further encouragement.  She says it has really helped her with her level of energy.  I've given it a shot, but haven't been able to stop my mind from focusing on all the worry and business that occurs. For now, I think a long, hot shower might be the closest I've gotten to meditating but hopefully March brings more than clear skies and I can get a bit closer to a clear head.