Myki Update - 5 months

There has not been a Myki update in quite some time. The role of mother, wife, employee is much more demanding than I'd anticipated and extra energy for blogging is a blessing I rarely have....never mind energy for the other hats I wear - friend, daughter, sister....it seems those things have fallen to the wayside.

Part of that is the situation - nighttime events really aren't my friend and no one is all that interested in doing things centered around a baby. Plus, we have some liquidity issues and entertainment is far from free. But some of the isolation is most definitely self-inflicted. I'm happy to be in my house with my bebo. If we go out, he has to remain strapped into his car seat or stroller or in my arms...a position we both love but one he is quickly outgrowing.

Which brings me to the actual Myki update...well, many updates since it has been so long. Let me go in order.

1. He has two little teeth! 5 months old and he has teeth...the time is flying. His dad and I were equally elated and devastated when we discovered this development. Wow, he's growing! (smile) Wow, he's growing so fast! (frown)

2. He is fully also mobile...crawling, getting into absolutely everything, sitting up, launching from a sit-up, trying to climb up Mami and Daddy and lastly, standing with support! That last part is just such a shocker to me.

So, here is a new photo of my little Speedy Gonzalez.

In other news, Mike and I are working on professional photos for his 6 monthday and a Christmas card - stay tuned!

Supermom!

Working in special events is simultaneously wonderful and horrendous. It's great to never be bored and to always have a new goal to reach (because the goals just get higher and higher.) But now that I have Myki, sometimes I long for a boring job, a job I could just leave at the office. Intellectually, I know that a boring job, a bare minimum kind of a job, could never fulfill me but again, the demands of a 4 month old are persuasive.

The positive is that my 4 month old does not only persuade but inspire. He let's me know that I can do it - I can be his mom (a good mom) and excel at my job, I can keep my house clean and prepare good food for my family, I can exclusively breastfeed and endure a two hour commute to the office, I can even wake up at 5 AM each and every morning to help my husband get some extra overtime (after waking up at 3 AM to feed my son). And I can swim (see photo!) I can also coax out giggles with the best of them and I can always, always get a smile.

Some recent displays of my supermom abilities:

- today I endured the stench of a Tri-Rail bathroom to pump much needed milk for my bebo

- on Friday, I nursed Myki on one knee holding my boob with one hand, held the phone to my ear with my shoulder and actively participated in a conference call while balancing my laptop on my other knee and typing with the other hand. For those of you who have seen me, holding my boob is a feat in itself, never mind conference calling, holding a 16 lb baby and typing.

- I navigated the grocery store on Saturday with an inconsolable 3 month old - by the time I was done, I had gotten all of the groceries I needed and soothed my baby to sleep with a finger and a washcloth, yes, I am like the McGuyver of moms!

Myki Discovered his Thumb!

What an eventful couple of weeks. I have been overwhelmed (my new favorite word as a working mother) the past few weeks and oh how I have missed sharing my life and Myki's special moments on this blog!

So I've promised myself I will try to post on here every few days, even if it is a short entry!

Not sure if you remember my workout post a few weeks ago. The following week I did an excellent job of going to workout, walking with Myki, eating right (lots of fruit and salad) and lost 2 of those pesky 12 pounds. Unfortunately, my budget and my life smacked me in the face and the past two weeks have not been so successful. I will persevere! Starting today I'm going to track my calories and see if I can keep chiseling away at the baby weight.

This past Friday Myki rolled over! I kept putting him back on his tummy and he kept rolling right over. My eyes filled with tears, I yelled, I laughed, I put on a show - and he just looked up at my like, what Mami? this is how we roll - literally. Video to come of this precious moment. Unfortunately he hasn't rolled over since but as his Grandma said, he's focused on some other things...

Like his thumb! He has found his thumb and it goes straight in his mouth. Although my brain knows this is a pesky habit, my heart thinks it's the cutest thing ever - his thumb is so little!! And it's given Mami a bit of a break because he can now soothe himself with his thumb. He's had much more tummy time as a result. He tries to roll over, walk even, gets frustrated and starts sucking. Again, super cute!

We are t minus a week and a half to our big work trip to California. Myki will be serving as my personal assistant for the week! (toted around by his Grandma Fuller :-)

Other highlights since the last posting included our first dip in the ocean, and an encore at the pool (I think the pool made more of an impact!), graduation to size 4 diapers (the largest size is 6, potty-training must begin quickly), testing out the exersaucer and succeeding! and meeting our Auntie Crystal for the first time!

Time is flying!

Myki's Video Debut

This was fantastic. It was the first time Myki really SAW the toys hanging down.

We sing, we eat, we sleep.

This is how we spend our days. I usually get a much better reaction from Lindas Manitos but of course, no so much when I video tape! :-)

12 Pounds

I've been thinking for quite some time that I should blog about my post-partum weight loss. I've played with the idea of starting a separate blog completely dedicated to weight loss - Bringing Sexy Back - or something equally as clever. Yes, I fancy myself clever.

I am horrified at the thought of looking the way I look right now, forever. With the beauty of pregnancy and the miracle of childbirth comes the misery of post-partum. I was distracted from the horror of it for the first 4 weeks, just completely wrapped up in my baby boy. But as he and I have gotten ourselves into a groove, I've had a few more minutes to myself and a few more minutes to linger in front of the mirror after a shower or scrutinize the photos of myself and Myki that I'm sending off to family and friends.

I still look huge! In the photos, you can see how my pre-pregnancy clothes are stretched to capacity to cover a wider frame. I'm left with not much of a waist and my stomach looks as if it has literally deflated causing my skin to hang down in all its stretch-marked glory. Combine that with what nursing has done to my breasts and I am the picture of saggy skin.

Now, I was fully aware that my post-partum body would not look ideal. My problem, is the fear I have in getting it back to what it looked like before...and ideally, continuing to work on it until I look the way I did in college. Funny how fat I thought I was then.

Unfortunately I have a lazy streak and I've never been much for working out. This is why I've been hesitant to post on the weight loss issue. Once I put it out here in cyberspace, I will be held accountable...I will have to really work on my weight and more importantly, my health.

So here it is, my pledge to work really hard to overcome my laziness and get into shape. I gained 55 lbs in my pregnancy...I walked into the hospital on June 4, 2009 weighing 250 lbs. I am now down to 207 lbs. My goal is to be at my pre-pregnancy weight of 195 by the time Myki is 3 months old (September 5) and to be at my ideal weight of 160 by the time he is 1 year old. I want to have the energy to go outside and run after my son everyday...to help him learn to play sports, swim, ride a bike and just enjoy activity. So I will work to do something physical each and every day - go for a walk, pop in a workout DVD, visit the stroller strides class I just discovered online, maybe even go for a swim. And I commit to post monthly on my progress.

For now, I find solace in my progress thus far (the benefits of nursing!) and revel in the fact that I'm just 12 lbs from my pre-preggo weight.

Wowzers

We just got back from the Dr's office and our baby boy weighs a whopping 13 lbs. That means he's gained 2 lbs in a week and a half. Amazing for a baby who left the hospital refusing to breastfeed. He's wearing a size 3 diaper and clothes that are 3-6 months. I'm amazed at how quickly he's growing and already nostalgic for the day when he was 8 lbs, 10 ounces.

A Day in the Life

As my maternity leave comes to an end, I marvel at the past six weeks. My son has grown so much in this time. He has literally grown 2 inches and gained at least 4 lbs. He's now round and chubby. He reacts to my voice, to my face, my touch, to music and movement.

Yesterday was a fun-filled day of activity. We woke up at around 8:30 am and sat in our trusty recliner for breakfast. As Michael nursed and stared up at me, I read him a segment from "The Time Traveler's Wife," my first grown-up read in months that doesn't have to do with pregnancy or baby care. He dozed off on a full belly and woke up an hour later wide-eyed and bushy-tailed. He had a mid-morning snack and off to the living room to play.

I put him on his belly for tummy time. The pediatrician says to put him on his belly whenever he's awake so he can learn to lift his head, do baby push-ups and eventually, roll over. He is an expert head lifter and can get about halfway up on his arms for push-ups. Unfortunately, his exercise only lasts about 10 minutes as he gets frustrated with not being able to look around the room or flip himself over. Even his frustration is adorable though.

Once we've hit his cap on tummy time, we move to his back on his new play mat (care of Titi Dionne). He is entranced by the mirror and stares at his beautiful self in awe. He starts to protest at not being held but I begin the music and his protest subsides. I may have a musician on my hands because music and singing always seems to do the trick. We hang out there for a while and when that gets old, we move on to his song stage and mirror...another present. I get some smiles out of that one.

Myki starts sucking on his fingers, a sign that it is mealtime once again. I tune into some HGTV (a maternity leave obsession) as he eats lunch and ponder when I'll get to make my own lunch (it's not 2:15). He doses off and I start to nod off myself so I skip lunch in favor of an afternoon nap. I put him in my bed with me...a no-no, I know but sometimes when we're alone, I can't help myself. I wake up at 4:15 as Daddy blows up my phone wondering where we are. Myki wakes up just as I finish off a very late lunch.

Then off to a relaxing bath so that he smells good for Daddy.

I left out the diaper changes which are oh so much fun as you can imagine. You really do just need to laugh when you change a little boys diaper. At least 50% of the diaper changes end up in messes to be cleaned up. That air hitting his backside when you open the diaper usually prompts a "reaction."

Mike and I then enjoy a yummy (and more and more healthy since baby) dinner with Myki looking on from his rocker. A wonderful end to my day, dinner with my boys.

Thank You Baby Michael

What a whirlwind month....yes a month! Michael turned a month old yesterday and although I feel like the time has just flown by, so much has happened in that month. From walking into the hospital with soggy pants on June 4 to the dreaded c-section on the 5th and finally meeting my son at 11 PM, my Dad's two week visit (the help and company was such a blessing), Mike and I's very overwhelming and emotional bouts in those first weeks as we adjusted to our new roles as parents, little Michael's first look of recognition on Father's Day (he was horrified that his grandmother took him from me - yes, there was a pouty bottom lip) and that first gummy smile a few days later while I read to him, 3 Doctor's visits and a whopping 10 lb weigh-in, bath time progressing from absolute hysterics to a few whimpers of discomfort, many late nights in my recliner nursing, then burping, then trying to figure out how to put my son down and get some sleep, the worries of acid reflux, my breastfeeding struggles, the many gifts and tons of phone calls...it has all combined to be the most challenging and rewarding month of my life.

I've been reminded how blessed I am with fantastic friends, family and coworkers. Myki's fully stocked room and the stack of gift cards we have yet to spend is a testament to that. And I have been challenged - each day I wonder if tomorrow I'll give in and give him formula instead of being a slave to his nursing needs and the sore nipples they have caused. Each day I set another goal - today, I will do laundry; today, I will clean my room, or the kitchen; today, I will attempt to write in my blog and call 3 people back. Sometimes I am successful, most times I'm not but slowly, I'm finding the energy and stolen moments to begin fulfilling my responsibilities again.

I'm still not sure if I'll make it to a year of exclusive breastfeeding as I'd originally planned. My ability to keep my house clean and orderly while working and taking care of Myki is also in question...hell, my ability to start working again is in question. But each day I get at least one big, bright smile, a few calm moments with my snuggle bucket and little expressions and actions that make me laugh and smile. Each day I watch my baby (wow, my baby) grow and learn and those moments have caused an optimism in me that I thought had been lost long ago.

We Have Arrived!!

June 27 and it's been 3 weeks since Michael III entered my life. When I wrote my last post, this moment seemed so far away. I could never have imagined how much I love him and how much I've enjoyed taking care of him and watching him grow these past three weeks.

Our Birth Story:
My water broke on Thursday, June 4 at work...what the hell I was doing at work I still wonder. I went to the bathroom and just thought I'd had an accident or something. But the flow just kept coming and no one has to pee that much! So I tentatively hobbled from the bathroom to the office and urgently pulled aside a coworker who has an infant. "I think my water just broke," I told her and described what happened. She confirmed, "your water broke."

Unable to sit at my cubicle leaking amniotic fluid, I ducked into another coworker's office with a towel for cover and got on the phone. I called the Doctor's office where the nurse told me to "get to the hospital" with an urgency I wasn't expecting. Then I called my husband who I fear didn't quite beleive this was happening....and my mom and dad.

With Mike stuck in traffic, two of my coworkers had to take me to the hospital. The ride was uneventful - none of the huffing, puffing and screaming of TV labor. I was all settled at the hospital and 2 hours had passed since my water broke - and no contractions. Strange.

So they gave me medication to induce labor. And...I labored.....for 27 hours. I had 3 shifts of nurses come and go. It's amazing the range of quality in people who have all supposedly recieved the same training. It was really the night nurse who got me through - she was my own personal drug dealer...but with a sympathetic voice that made any guilt I had over taking medication go away. "I can give you a little sleeping medication, just a little something to relieve the pain, take the edge off..." And after hours of deep breathes and clenched fists, I acquiesed. Then the morning came and with it, some progress and the epidural.

I had read that the baby has to be delivered within 24 hours of your water breaking or there's a risk of infection. So at 22 hours, I was a bit panicked! "Get my baby out of there!" I thought desperately. But the doctor eased my fears assuring me that the risk of infection was to me, not the baby. I guess that was a relief? At 24 hours, I begged to be checked once again. Almost 7 centimeters dilated (I had to get to 10 before I could push and it had taken 3 hours to get from 6 to 7) and the baby was at 0 station (he had 4 more levels to go). Unprepared for 9 more hours of labor, I broke down into tears and asked for a c-section. I NEVER thought I'd actually ask for the c-section.

Even the doctor seemed relieved. So the medication stopped and with it, the labor. Reassurance to me that I wasn't going to hit that 10 centimeters on my own. And we all waited for the operating room to be available. I was prepared for the c-section, anxious to meet my baby - Michael or Gabriella - we still didn't know.

I will spare everyone the gory details of the c-section. Suffice it to say that I was terrified and I'm convinced that pressure is actually a code word for pain. But thank god for morphine and epidurals and good doctors because Michael was delivered at 6:10 PM on Friday, June 5, 2009 safe and sound. A little horrified at being forcibly removed from his cacoon I think, but safe and sound nonetheless.

38 Weeks.....Are We There Yet?

As elated as I have been and still am to be pregnant, my level of mental exhaustion has steadily increased since my last post more than a month ago. In this time, my thoughts on pregnancy have slowly shifted from daily positives to a group of daily complaints that I try hard not to express but, they just overcome me. I am over it. I am over the swollen feet (check out my Easy Spirit sneakers!) and legs, the feeling that both have been severely bruised, the sensation that I've been hit between my legs with a baseball bat, the exhaustion, back pain, increasingly red and itchy stretchmarks (see photo #1), and the intensely painful underside of my belly, a photo of which I will spare you. Never mind the 3-6 times I wake up in the middle of the night to heave myself out of bed and pee, the periodic insomnia and a general sense of immobility.

But the positives do still exist. I found a really great church that I imagine our new family attending together....it just feels right. My nesting instinct is in full speed - the baby's room is all set-up and despite my lack of mobility, I managed to put everything together, wash everything else, set it all up and then just look at it with a big smile on my face.

So it's not all bad. But, I think it's safe to say both Mike and I are over being expectant parents and looking forward to being new parents. Hopefully Baby Fuller cooperates with our desires. Just 10 days to go!

Just the Two of Us

Today is Mike and I's first wedding anniversary.  It was a year ago today that most of our loved ones trekked from across the east coast, the islands and even Bolivia, to watch a teary-eyed couple exchange vows (2 hours after they were scheduled to begin) on the stage / alter of the Miami Beach  Botanical Gardens.  It was such a perfect day and I remember that all I wanted was for the day to continue, to remain in that moment as long as I could.  

And now, at the end of our newliwededness, I find myself in awe of our first year as man and wife.  I am 8 months pregnant!  We live in a beautiful apartment in Pompano of all places.  I finally got the bedroom furniture I'd been talking about for our entire year and a half of engagement.  We are both gainfully employed, we live on a budget but are finally NOT broke, we have a lot of fun just sitting in our apartment going back and forth and he still manages to make me laugh, feel beautiful, smart and appreciated each and every day.  It is not your traditional fairytale but definitely my fairy tale.

This weekend, we spent a night at the Hyatt Bonaventure Resort & Spa....a last hurrah if you will, a weekend "away" for just the two of us before we begin the awesome stage ahead.  We slept in a kind size bed with no less than 20 pillows (yes, I know it is hard to believe but Mike and I don't have a king bed!  despite our obvious mass).  We ate out the whole weekend, spent  hours lounging by the pool and yes, I had pancakes!  My husband also treated me to a much needed foot treatment at the Red Door Spa at the hotel, my first spa experience and unfortunately for him, I think I'm addicted.  We came back home and topped off the day with a shopping spree for baby!  I could have bought out the store, it was all just so cute.  Mike didn't give me the chance, he pulled the cart into the check-out and started scanning items before I could scoop everything up.  Probably for the best as despite his best efforts, our tab was definitely higher than expected.

Today, as I reflect on the year we had, I am grateful.  I am happy.  And I am optimistic about our future.  I know this is the first year of many.  

Perspective

Someone emailed this to me...one of the many chains we all get. But it was good timing I think. I have periodic panic attacks about this massive responsibility that is about to come my way (8 and a half weeks to go!). But this defintiely puts things in perspective. Not to say I beleive in all of these things but, it's a reminder that there's no need to go overboard!

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads. As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes. Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And, we weren't overweight. WHY? Because we were always outside playing....that's why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day.. And, we were O..K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. If YOU are one of them? CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?

Working at an organization that works with and for people with intellectual disabilities is an interesting sensation when you are pregnant. When I applied for my initial position at Best Buddies two years ago, I had no personal connection....I was just desperately seeking a job in Miami and thought, Special Events, why not?

In the last two years, I have learned so much about people with intellectual disabilities. I have learned that there is much more to personality than IQ and that although these people may be lower functioning than the "average" person, they may also be higher functioning in another area. They have their talents and things they can contribute to society and perhaps more importantly, conversation. They don't need to be shut down. This is a far cry from my initial thoughts on ret**ted people, a term I now know is nothing less than offensive. And although I am not always as patient with this group as I should be, I do now value them.

But, it is one thing to accept and appreciate something outside of your life and family and quite another to think about it inside those sacred walls. All of my tests have been perfect and I have had a wonderful pregnancy. And knock on wood, it will continue to be so and my baby's delivery will be complication free. But in the past two weeks, I've found myself in many conversations with my coworkers on the lives of two of our other coworkers who have intellectual disabilities. Margaret has down syndrome and Joyce, well I don't know that she has a specific condition, I think she just has a low IQ. Both of them are close to 60 and live with their mothers, who I always imagine to be somewhere near 100.

Mike and I were watching the Final Four last week and every time they zoomed in on a player's parents, I would joke that Mike and I need to start saving now so we can go watch our son play in the Final Four. I have fantasies about all of the vacations we will take across the country and the globe, exposing our baby, child, tween, teen to all that travel has to offer. I've already told Mike that we need to encourage all of our kids to go away to college because my college experience away was just so fantastic! And I've thought about whether it would be more beneficial to play the piano or the guitar. Would we be able to do all of those things, dream those big dreams, if our baby had some sort of "situation?" And what is it like to be 60, 70, 80, 90 and still worrying about whether or not your "child" can take care of herself? The thought is overwhelming.

I really don't have any feeling that my baby will have any type of challenge. He/She will be perfect - healthy, strong, smart, funny even :-) And something tells me that despite challenges, I'd probably be convinced by baby was all of those things anyway. But it does make you pray a little more, watch your diet a little more closely, not push those limits. And I think this whole chain of thought has the potential to make me better at my job...it makes everything a bit more personal. Perhaps even makes me a better advocate for a population I ignored only 2 years ago.

Itchy Belly, Swollen Feet and Sexuality

As I round the home stretch (10 weeks to go!), I find I am working harder and harder towards that inner peace and optimism that seemed to come so naturally only two weeks ago.

It's taken me a while to be able to admit this in cyberspace, but I am the unfortunate victim of what seem to be some pretty serious stretchmarks. They are bright red - like actual wounds....and span the very bottom of my belly (underneath, that part I can't really see) all the way up to the belly bottun which they frame in all it's popped out glory. They are really horrific and no matter how much I lather on the cocoa butter and the baby oil, they are only getting larger. It's sad really, I had really nice skin on my belly....my husband always pointed out how smooth it was.

I used to wear a 7 1/2 shoe....the last pair I bought was a 9....can you believe that?? And, like stretchmarks, I've heard the larger feet don't ever go back to how they were. It's a miracle people have so many kids; with all of these permanent dysfunctions it's hard to imagine feeling sexy again. The worst part of my foot situation is the swelling. I could probably manage an 8 1/2 if the width of my feet didn't double towards the end of each day. I mean, the saying "my feet swelled up like sausages" was never more true. Instead of being flat on the bottom and kind of flat across the top, my feet are literally cylinders from which peep pink Vienna sausages. And kneeling down - forget about it! I tried to look under the bed today and my legs are so swollen that it felt like I might actually burst.

I am also very much on the irritable side. I berated my husband for not doing the laundry or the dishes....as if miraculously he would begin doing something he never does. I got home today and knocked a glass over. The shards still fan around the kitchen because really, I can't bring myself to deal with it. And my patience for other people is waining. Today when I left work, I had 4 bags to lug to the car and, as per usual, no one thought to ask me for help. And usually I ask for help because why make myself suffer because other people are lazy or rude. But today, I just couldn't do it. My feet looked like sausages (as seen through the house slippers I put on to leave work), I was walking at a snail's pace - hobbling really - quite obviously struggling to put one foot in front of the other and my bags kept falling off of my shoulders so I'd have to stop and slowly teeter downward without loosing my balance to pick it up again. It was really pathetic. And although people can comment on how big my belly is and say "awww, baby" 100x, they don't seem to notice (how convenient) when I may need some common courtesy. Really it's a shame. And I just didn't speak to anyone on the way home...I couldn't play nice - I was pissed!

But since this is supposed to be my positive space, I will end on some more positive notes.

My baby is quite the little gymnast. He/She flips and kicks, punches and turns around, plays head, shoulder, knees and toes, knees and toes and then flips around again. It's amazing to watch.

My husband told me yesterday that the impossible has occurred - my belly dwarfs my chest! My whopping triple D's look puny compared to the wonder that is Baby Fuller. I had to laugh at that since I'm sure he NEVER could have imagined calling anything about my breasts small.

I daydream about a slimmer, happier Mr. & Mrs. Fuller frolicking around a park with our baby. I feel like he/she can make us better, make us push ourselves to be the best we can be (not to be cliched). So I hope that we will get in shape, continue our ambitions and be happy and I can see it. I can see it. It is out there in the universe waiting for me.

And the last high note, a check-out person in ghetto a** Pompano Beach.....she asked if I was having a c-section and I said "I hope not." And she said "oh lawd...I had two babies and they had to cut them outta me, I couldn't push them out. They would've stretched my junk all big" - picture a woman in a McDonald's uniform holding her hands in a circle about the size of a watermelon. Mike and I just laughed at the insanity. Then, the next customer is a man and she asks him if he has kids and he does. So she asked if his wife delivered vaginally (at McDonald's!) and he said she did. And the checkout lady makes that face you make when you walk by a stinky dumpster and asks "that didn't make you loose your sexuality for her??" I just had to walk away, I had to take a step back.....your sexuality for her?? What is wrong with people. LOL.

Preggo Update - 7 months and counting....

I am officially 7 months and 5 days pregnant today....only a little under 3 months to go, less than 12 weeks; 79 days to be exact, a mere 1,896 hours! My obsessions with reading and talking about pregnancy, birth and infants have continued.

My most recent read - a book called Baby Matters that discusses attachment parenting. There seems to be a name for everything involving babies. Attachment parenting is the opposite of detached parenting. It is the rejection of theories that reinforce not holding the baby too much because it will "spoil" him. It says the idea that getting the baby out of your room and into the nursury asap is ridiculous. It rebuffs the thought that more crying strengthens babies' lungs and bawlks at the suggestion that any woman would be unable to breastfeed. Attachment parenting says that cow's milk was made for no other living being than baby cows and that the more affection, touch and literal attachment moms can provide to their babies results in more independent and self-confident babies, toddlers, children and adults.

Detachment parenting, on the other hand, leads to insecure children; babies who are left alone before they're ready and left with an emptiness and decreased sense of self as a result. This book claims detached parenting leads to long term life problems and explains everything from heightened rates of ADHD to illnesses like diabetes and cancer and even increased divorce rates and Americans' growing inability to maintain healthy, committed relationships.

In reading this book, I don't know if I agree with all of it. Like the concept of letting your child ween when they're ready (and as a result, nursing a 5 year old) or the thought that babies are absolutely safer in bed with their parents (Mike and I weight close to 500 lbs in a queen bed - lots of potential for a crushed baby). But the rest of it makes a lot of sense. If everytime I fell or stumbled or felt uncomfortable, no one was there to catch me or fix the problem, or they took a while to get to me, I'd be really scared to fall, stumple or reach any point of discomfort. But if my parents were always there, always reinforcing how wonderful and able I was, always catching me when I fell, then I would feel secure that everything will be ok. It makes perfect sense if you put yourself in the shoes (or booties) of an infant.

It does seem almost unnatural to worry about teaching an infant to be independent. They're not suppossed to be independent yet. They need you. In this sense, attachment parenting is a beautiful concept....and very instinctual. My desire to nurture and take care of my growing belly increases each and every day. I assume the same will be true of the actual baby.

So, lessons learned now that I've hit 7 months of pregnancy:

- There's no need to worry. Mothering is instinctual and, with the help of my trusty village, I will find my way.

- Optimism is a pregnant ladies BEST FRIEND. Examples:
1. Swollen ankles are nothing but an opportunity to sit in a recliner with my feet up for 4 hours. 2. That feeling like someone beat me up between my legs (medical term: round ligament pain) is just a sign that my baby is healthy growing and STRONG!
3. The fact that my life revolves around the restroom, sleep, hydration and eating is definitely good training for caring for a newborn.
4. People are just nicer to you when you're pregnant, especially your husband.
5. Getting fat is ok - and it's an excuse for new clothes.
6. Being woken up at 5 AM by hunger pains and a flailling baby is ok. It means you get to eat (something I love) and play with the baby. By playing I mean, when he/she kicks, I push back in that same spot, then he/she pushes back in the same spot and I try to touch it, and it goes on - 30 minutes later I'm still cracking up at it all and I'm confident that Michael/Gabriella knows I'm there.
...I could go on and on...

- I am really blessed with friends and loved ones. People come out of the woodworks for a Baby!

- If I can read THIS MUCH baby material, I can study for my GMAT and go get my MBA. (Random I know, but we find inspiration in the oddest places.)

- 2 baby showers later, it's confirmed, I really love baby things! So far, baby socks are my favorite.

Baby Shower # 2 - Miami, FL

This past Sunday, Mike and I were blessed with baby shower number 2! It was another intimate affair of 10 or so at Perricone's Marketplace Cafe in Brickell, Miami....home of delicious gelatto, canolli's and salmon salad!

It was so fantastic. I really loved it. We got some pretty great baby essentials - stroller and car seat, play center (exersaucer thing), baby spa, diaper genie (no to the stinkies!), adorable socks and gloves and some fabulous gift cards that I look forward to spending. And my girlfriends Kali and Heather made some great games with horrifyingly embarrassing questions like - How many times did Mike and Pamela date before she gave up the goods? What position were they in when baby Fuller was conceived? - these alongside of the traditional - Who do you think will change the first diaper? Who's more likely to cry at the delivery? Further highlights of the shower included a word search where diaper was accompanied by cock ring and prizes like 3XL granny panties and lube! I couldn't have dreamed of planning something so fun! And, to my husband's horror, his parents and sister were there to celebrate with us. I think even they could appreciate the hilarity of it all. And I really enjoyed their answers to How many times we dated before I gave up the goods - Mom - 80, Dad - 100, Adriane - eww! (I can't remember what she wrote, but that's what she said!). Good times had by all.

Kali and Heather did such a great job and the buzz around the office is that my shower was really fun. I was so happy to have one. A part of me (a big part of me) still feels foreign to South Florida so, like my bachlorette party (also planned by two of my fabulous coworkers turned friends - Sarah and Heather and equally as inappropriate - sex toy party!), I was kind of baffled to have a group of people to celebrate with! Silly, I know. Just further evidence of my village I suppose. Thank god for villages.

The Mommy Wars

My most recent pregnancy obsession has been birthing stories.  At almost 7 months, I think it's about time that I get a better idea of what this whole childbirth process is all about...beyond TV labor scenes compressed into 30 minute segments.  I went into the research feeling pretty confident of a few things:

- I wanted to try really, really hard to go without the pain drugs and have a natural birth.

- I'm terrified by the thought of a c-section.

- Episiotomy must be a male doctor's invention....

- And I'm hoping to nurse as soon after the birth as possible.

So, following my trusty pregnancy blog PregTASTIC, I ordered the book Deliver This!  off of eBay.  It's a book that non judgmentally describes all of the birth options from a home birth to a scheduled c-section.   

The book opens discussing the mommy wars - the ongoing battle between breastfeeding and bottles, home schooling vs. public school vs. private schools, stay at home moms vs. working moms, organic vs. non, etc.  The judgement that some moms project onto other moms for choosing an option different from their own.  And according to the author, the root of these judgements is an insecurity that if someone else's choice is different than yours, yours must be wrong.  I really related to this concept.  And I think it transcends into the things all woman judge others on.  Think about why you would call someone a prude, or why you'd call them a whore....because they're doing something different from the decisions you've made about your sexuality.  Or why you'd talk about someone's diet....whether they are on the strictest or such or eating whatever they'd like, it's different from what you're doing and maybe reflects what you and this person look like....so we comment on both extremes.  

So I discuss my new knowledge and reflection with my husband who nods supportively and kind of smirks (because he thinks, probably not inaccurately, that I'm one of the most judgemental people he knows) and pats my hand a little patronizingly and tells me he hopes I can continue reflecting and NOT judging. 

I continue reading and discover a new play called Birth...something like the Vagina Monologues but with birth stories instead of stories from your vagina.  And I listen to one of the testimonials of birthing story by a Birth supporter.  During her home birth, her midwife (or soul bringer as she called her) told her to fight the pain with noise and just yell.  Her young daughter (4 or 5) served as her "doula" cheering her on as she went through the contractions.  She nursed her husband (yes, you read that correctly) in an effort to help her contractions along.  And her midwife had to stick her hand up inside her to help the baby's head out.  Picture it all happening at once.  Mom screaming and pushing while midwife sticks her hand inside her and Dad nurses....you the new big sister looking on.  

It just seemed insane to me!  As natural as birth is, it seems a bit much for a child to process.  And seeing my mom scream and grunt in pain bearing down on a midwifes hand....naked....while my Dad sucks on her breast??  I mean, what could a child make of that.  Of course my next move is to call my husband and talk about how crazy that seemed and ban him from putting his mouth anywhere near my titimilk (our personal phrase for breast milk) during labor or after.  And he laughed at me, followed by a reminder of the judgmental base of the mommy wars.  And told me I should start practicing now.

He humbled me.  

My research on childbirth will probably continue until the moment my labor begins but so far, I've learned a lot.  I'm still pretty much convinced of my initial thoughts.  But I've added a few more:

- If it doesn't go exactly how I want it too, it'll still be ok.

- Alternative options may just provide the relief I'll need while in the throws of labor.

- And birthing options are probably as individual as the children that result from them. 

My Village - Washington, DC

Mis amigas!

Why Lucila, why?   

Presents!!! What mom could live without a boppy pillow.

Belly measuring! 

My last two weeks of pregnancy preparation have been full of reaching out.  As I told my sister-in-law, I think I've been "nesting" in my own way, working to create the village that I know it will take to raise this child.  From my college alumni chapter to my sorority's grad chapter, coworkers and a newly discovered resource, meetup.com, I've been working to surround myself with like-minded people, resources and families.  I've become a fan of tons of mommy written blogs and finally crawled out of my cocoon and began reaching out to my friends again...via phone and email.  

This weekend's activities really brought home to me the importance of that work.  I bit the bullet and in a moment of fiscal irresponsibility (thankfully, these moments are fewer and fewer lately), I bought a plane ticket to Washington, DC last month.  With an almost permanent kool-aid smile, I gallivanted through my old stomping grounds spending Friday at GW, lunch with my DC Best Buddies coworkers, a happy hour (yes, everyone looked at me like I'd lost my mind), Saturday mani/pedi in Alexandria and a surprise baby shower and Sunday breakfast of pancakes with Cicely and the boys!  It couldn't have gone better if I'd scripted it.

There was just so much love and smiles for me, for my belly and for what's inside.  It was a weekend full of good memories and another reminder of how blessed baby Fuller already is to be so loved and anticipated.

And an affirmation for me that I must continue reaching out, extending beyond my comfort zone, pushing myself to be present and participate.  Because Florida is my home and where I'm putting in some roots and watching them grow.

Whales

Me: Everyone in DC said my belly is really pretty. (Lifting up my shirt to rub on it.)

Him: It is pretty. But it’s so white.

Me: Yea, I haven’t gotten any sun. I’m waiting for it to warm up so I can use the pool, just go float around.

Him: Like a whale

Me: (Crazy look on my face) What? You’re a whale!

Him: (Laughing) Hey!

Me: I can’t be a fish or a dolphin, I have to be a whale!? I’m pregnant, what’s your excuse?

Him: (Laughing and trying to kiss me) I’m pregnant too. You said you hate when I say “Pamela got pregnant.” Well then, I’m pregnant too.

Impatient!

This month I officially completed 6 months of pregnancy.  6 months!  only 3 more months to go and there will be a little Fuller running (really, laying) around.  My impatience is really kicking in.  I am running out of things to research and read about and now, I just want the baby to be here!  I want to go blow all my money at Babies R Us and know if it's a boy or a girl.  I want to be home on maternity leave and finally discover what all of this nursing business is all about.  I want to see Mike holding his first born, see my Dad with his first niet@, see my brother with his first sobrin@, see my mom be maternal again with a baby.  I want to see how my 2 year old nephew reacts to someone little and squishy and how my younger siblings play their role as the youngest Ti@s in history.

President's Day

After 3 years out in the workforce, I've decided that the 5 day, 40 hour work week is ridiculous.  For people who have families, it's terrible that you need to spend most of your kids waking hours away from them.  School ends at 3 pm (more or less) but your work day ends at 6 PM.  What kind of sense does it make that the most important thing you'll ever do in life (raise children) takes second priority to your employment....which I feel like a lot of moms only do for the paycheck.  And this very short-lived weekend - Saturday for some sort of activity and Sunday to prepare for another grueling work week.  The 3 day weekend should be mandatory twice a month. 

Today was so wonderful.  I woke up at 9....picked up around the house and started the laundry.  I sat here at the computer on google chat for a few hours.  I responded to many of the neglected emails that have accumulated in my inbox the past month or so, checked ALL of my email accounts and read blogs to my hearts delight.  

I then hoped in the shower - another shower in awe of my growing belly and nipples that look more and more like they're for food and not my husband's pleasure as the days pass.  

And then off to Mike's office for a nice lunch with my husband.  It was only burger king (don't judge us, we're about to have a baby - the king understands a budget) but it was nice to be outside, talking, if only for 30 minutes.  

I then headed over to the Pompano Beach Public Library.  I got a library card and spent a wonderful two hours picking up random things from the stacks.  I came home with an assortment of pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding DVDs and books by Jonthan Kozel, Zane, James McBride and Edwidge Danticat.  (I feel like I should say here that I got Zane's recent nonfiction book, not one of her erotica stories....but again, don't judge me.)  

Then back home where I jumped into my PJ's and into bed to read the first of my four books.  And I've just ended the day with a yummy afternoon snack and this blog post as my husband steps through the door.

Everyone, single or not, parent or not, deserves a day like this every couple of weeks...I mean weekly really.  A day to just do and be as you please...no pressures or requirements. 

Health & Fitness

I listen to a pregnancy podcast called Pregtastic.  It's a panel of 3-6 women who are expecting.  Once women give birth, they are rotated out for new pregnant women and the topics vary from breastfeeding to pregnancy choices and what doctors are saying.  They begin each show with basic introductions and 2 ups and a down....2 positives and a negative.  In the spirit of which this blog was conceived, I will begin with my 2 ups in a continued effort to see the positive.

Up #1 - I really do like being pregnant - I feel good, I look good, my baby and I are healthy....what more could I ask for.

Up #2 - In effort to heed my Doctor's recent warnings about my health, I have not had a single pastry or sweet this week.  I've drank all the water and milk my bladder can handle.  And went on two nigh time walks around our community walking trail.

Down - I really want some of the key lime pie that's sitting in our fridge right now.  And I fear I will be off the short-lived health wagon quickly.

Health & Fitness just do not come naturally for me.  Everyone says, work out for a few weeks and it becomes second nature.  It's all about making it a routine, a part of your daily life.  Eating healthy is not about dieting, it's about lifestyle changes.  

But, I don't like to "work out."  I like activities and activities cost money - boxing class costs money, yoga and pilates classes cost money.  And those are just things I don't have the money for.  I will keep hope alive that this daily walking will do the trick - I take it as more of a convo session with my sister-in-law so hopefully her motivation lasts!

And, in terms of eating healthy as a lifestyle, as my mom used to say when I was young - I don't believe in that.  Intellectually, I know that eating healthy can make a HUGE difference in your life, in your health.  But, pancakes, rice and beans, lasagna and tres leches also make a HUGE difference in my life.  I love food - I love to eat it, to buy it, to cook it.  New recipes, restaurants,  afternoon treats at work - I really do love it all!! 

I know that the answer is balance - that, like everything in this life of multiple hats, I just need to find my center - walk as much as I can, eat the lasagna but not the tres leches today, the tres leches after a salad dinner tomorrow.  But, also like everything else, this is often easier said than done.  

Octuplets in California

Maybe it is my pregnancy, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve always said I want a big family, but I can’t get my mind off of this woman in California with 14 children. I watched her interview on Dateline last night and came away with so many different thoughts.

I agree with her – if I were to find out I was pregnant with 6 babies, I wouldn’t abort any of them. I just can’t be responsible for that.

I think it’s terrible that she says she had a dysfunctional home but can’t really say what the dysfunction was – her mother was a little distant? Her parents can’t be all that bad – they’re there helping her raise all of these kids.

Something about her saying her children are filling a void in her rubbed me the wrong way. And that she doesn’t want to be married, she wants the love of her children. Your children can’t provide the companionship and support that a partner can provide. And they shouldn’t be expected too, nor should they be expected to fill a void you have – you need some help for that.

I am not against single women having children…I don’t think lack of a partner should preclude someone from being a parent. But the extent to which she’s doing it. Single moms of 1 or 2 struggle…but 14.

She kept saying on the interview that when she gets her master’s degree in a year and a half, she’d start working and be able to support her kids.

1. What kind of salary does a family of 15 require – she has no work experience, how could she get that?

2. How can she work 8 hours a day and manage a household of so many children, especially some children with special needs.

And in terms of supporting her family, she’s currently accepting food stamps but she somehow came up with $60,000 to pay for IVF treatments ($10K for 6 pregnancies) and whatever her nose job and botox cost. Nevermind the manicure and tips she was sporting in the interview.

As a mom-to-be, I haven’t had my eyebrows done in 6 months and haven’t gotten a mani/pedi since I was in the Dominican Republic where it cost 4 dollars. I don’t understand how people come up with this kind of money. Something doesn’t add up.

But despite my racing thoughts about the situation, I do wish her and all her children the best. I hope that the doctor who implanted so many eggs in a single, unemployed student with six children is somehow debarred and I hope that her 8 babies don’t have any of the delays or troubles that they are predispositioned to have.

I’m torn because I don’t really believe anyone can tell a woman whether or not to have children or how many children a person can have….but her situation seems so selfish and irresponsible. For her kids sake, I hope her decisions were and continue to be the right ones.

Preggo Update - 23 weeks

I am now in my 23rd week of pregnancy - so 5 months and 2 weeks have passed - 2 weeks to go until that 6th month.  Part of me wishes I could accelerate this process and the logical part of me knows that Mike and I probably need the next three months to really prepare for Baby Fuller.   But I'm just so anxious to see those little fingers and toes, see whose eyes he/she has, see whether I should be saying she or he.

The photos above were taken the week before our move... so I'm even bigger now I think.  And although I dread buying anymore clothes, I love getting bigger and bigger.

Having just finished my 25 random things list on Facebook, I've been thinking in terms of lists so here goes, some random things about my pregnancy in recent weeks.

1. I've missed 2 Doctor appointments in the last week.  The first was rescheduled (after I waited for 3 and a half hours) because the Dr. was in the delivery room with the other Dr's baby (partners in practice)  and the second, I slept through.  

2. I'm in awe of MIA's Grammy performance - Can I dance around a stage at nine months pregnant?  or even now?  doubtful as 5 stairs have me out of breath.

3. My husband and his Dad built our baby's crib today.   When I saw it, I got all teary eyed and didn't turn around until I could get it together - lest the family see my sappyness.

4. My feet hurt pretty much all the time.  I'm going to try to soak them this week for some relief.

5. The Nursing Mother's Companion has become the top book on my personal top 10 reads list.  What to Expect When Your Expecting is next, I'm obsessed.

6. I learned that Mylanta can double as diaper rash ointment (thanks Ethel!)

7. I watched birthing videos on youtube at the recommendation of some of my coworkers.  They're mom's so I thought I should heed their advise.  I was a little traumatized....do you know how big a baby's head is??  And an episiotomy...really, it's awful.

8. I officially can't see my toes in the shower.

9. My baby's movements have become pretty constant - it's such a perfect feeling right now because it doesn't hurt yet...it's just constant tickles and flutters.  So cute.

10.   One of the hotel contacts I work with at Best Buddies has been away on maternity leave for the last 3 months.  Her voicemail at the hotel she works at says she'll be back February 1st.  When she wasn't back, I spoke to one of her colleagues and she said that she didn't come back.  She decided to stay home and be a full-time mom - I want to be like her when I grow up.  If only one income were enough for it all.  

Making our House a Home

This weekend was such a productive one in terms of getting the new place together.  I think it's safe to say all of the boxes are unpacked.  We have a couple boxes by the door waiting for a trip to Goodwill, some organization to be done, pictures to hang on the walls and a baby room that currently only has a crib and futon in it (yes, it will double as a guest room).   But our little house (condo) is definitely becoming a home and I am so excited!

Here, a blog entry I wrote (hand written) before we had Internet when we first moved last weekend.  I think it fully expresses my excitement at our new place.  

PS - Once everything is hung, pictures to come.

THE LITTLE THINGS  1.31.09

We completed our much anticipated move this past weekend....this past week I should say since Mike has been transporting things all week.  I am so physically drained, I can't even explain.  It's a different type of tired than I've ever been because although nothing but my feet actually hurts, every single movement seems to require more energy than I can muster.  I have officially graduated from getting up to literally heaving myself from sitting to standing or laying down (my preferred state).  But despite my exhaustion, I am so happy with the little things at this new place.

First, I have a laundry room!  Life without a washer and dryer has been nothing short of excruciating, not to mention smelly.  My standard of cleanliness decreased out of, I hate to admit it, laziness.  Instead of making that dreaded trip to the laundromat, I just bought more underwear, sprayed a little Febreeze and spot-cleaned as needed on the rest.  I never though I could stoop so low.  But in 24 hours of this new apartment, I have done 10 loads of laundry!  The things we take for granted...

Another of life's conveniences that I was missing out on...a dishwasher.  Yes, we really went back to basics in Miami.  So everything...and I mean everything we own that can be washed in the dishwasher has been.  And I finally feel like it's all clean.  Hopefully this will alleviate the dirty dish-filled sink syndrome I formerly suffered from.

But the piece de resistance (Sp?) of it all is our master suite.  OK, maybe it's not quire a suite but I really do love it.  I anticipate many hours here in the months to come.  We have a bed, a bed that I can sit on and my feet don't touch the floor.  And a dresser, something I haven't had since my days in Maryland, and wasn't sure I would get again since my husband doesn't believe in dressers (Crazy I know.)  There's a walk-in closet and a pocket door in a bathroom that seems so much larger than our last one (I hate pedestal sinks by the way).  And the part that really tops it all off?  A recliner!  My future nursing chair, the recliner with it's soft microfiber, soothing rocking motions and calm camel color, currently serve as a retreat in the corner of our room.  A place where I can sit and ponder, write and read and listen to my heart's content.  I'm convinced it's the best money I've ever spent.

So despite my longer commute into Miami, our little home in Pompano has already proven worth the sacrifice.  

25 Random Things - Ripped off from my Facebook page

OK, I know I'm pretty late jumping on the bandwagon but, it's not my fault, I'm pregnant - I move slower. I absolutely LOVE reading these lists so they've inspired me to write my own. So here goes...

1. I am an exhibitionist at heart. If my husband allowed me (he's paranoid about people seeing through the windows), I'd walk around naked every moment I was in my house. Yes, even with my preggo belly.

2. I have a phobia about people not liking me....it's bad, as if I were in high school - I hate not being the cool kid.

3. I'm going to have my MBA by the time my baby's 3 years old - MBA or bust!

4. My goal is to have a job that allows me to take personal trips at least every 3 months - DR, NY, Bolivia, Hawaii, Italy, Washington DC (MD and VA too!), NJ, Penn State, St. Thomas, Tallahassee - I have a lot of people I want to see.

5. I really don't like the phone. Hence #4, I really appreciate face time.

6. I aspire to be Julia Alvarez - I will one day write a book about the first generation experience. My blog is the start to my writing career and it makes me feel good. (Shameless plug: mrspamelafuller.blogspot.com - READ IT!)

7. I feel constant guilt (thanks mom!) over my family and the fact that I'm not with them more. I wish all of my siblings and my parents could live on a compound here in Florida. And I wish I had the wherewithal to keep in touch with all of my aunts and cousins via phone (I should work on #5)

8. I have a habit of saying whatever I want and over commenting on things. My husband thinks it’s a little obnoxious, my friend Heather tells me I’m all knowing....it works for some people and not for others.

9. I, like Julie, sometimes look homeless. I don’t know why but I just can’t get myself together some days....and it’s getting harder now that nothing fits and it’s stupidly cold in Miami.

10. It is my fantasy to have the money to get my hair done each week – this would probably help with the homeless look.

11. I love magazines – I’m such a sucker for subscription offers.

12. My friend Jenn and I have known each other since stretch pants and afros – yes, our moms put us in stretch pants and yes, neither of our moms really knew how to do hair.

13. I didn’t learn fluent Spanish until I was 13 – my Mom didn’t want me to have an accent and my Dad lost the battle. So now that I do speak Spanish, it’s not great, which I’m ashamed of.

14. I really want my baby to be fluent in Spanish – like not start speaking english until Kindergarten.

15. I don’t believe in cubicles – what would psychologists say about cramming 10 people together in a square, not giving them windows, having them work under florescent lights and in my case, letting people have meetings and phone conferences as loud as they’d like? How are those factors supposed to lead to increased productivity?

16. I believe I have a mild case of ADD – probably why cubicles bother me so much.

17. People laugh at me when I say this but I could eat pancakes everyday for at least 2 of my meals. I don’t think they think I’m being serious, but I really am.

18. I miss my friends – A LOT.

19. I dream of living abroad someday, at least for a year.

20. I could watch trashy reality TV shows all day. And when my husband works on Saturdays, I’ve done it.

21. I’ve never been to a strip club and I’d like to see one.

22. I think my husband is the funniest person in the world....really, the funniest.

23. My husband used to call me concretia (like concrete) because when we met, I was so “hard” and according to him, heartless. But I’m actually really sensitive and I love him so much that my feelings get hurt on a weekly basis. (This used to be daily though – so I guess I’m toughening up, living up to my name!)

24. My friend Sasha says she wants me to narrate her life – I get such a kick out of that!

25. When I moved to Florida, I was sure it was temporary but now my mom is planning to move down here and I’m having a baby so....I’m pretty sure I’m here for the long haul.

Over the Hump

Tomorrow marks the start of my 21st week of pregnancy.  I have officially completed half of my preggo-hood and am ecstatic to have only 19 weeks to go (maybe less if Baby keeps growing this way.)  As good a pregnancy as I think I've had, I really can't wait for this part of the cycle to be over and to finally have baby Fuller become a reality.

In the last weeks, we've had our mid-way sonogram.  It was amazing to see little legs and little arms, a butterfly heart and big round head, even a facial profile.   We held strong and didn't ask to see the gender of the baby...much to the dismay of all of my girlfriends who are eagerly awaiting the verdict.  It's funny how all of the women think waiting on the gender is the stupidest thing since...well, since something stupid...and men think it's the thing to do.  

Mike hasn't really weighed in on the great gender debate recently but everyone else has.  My sister-in-law has said it's a girl.  And everyone else is rooting for the boy.  Aunt Sharon has specifically requested a fat, healthy, Michael James Fuller III to keep the name alive. Litz at work says I look like I'm carrying a boy.  Vicky agrees and Dahlia says that she just pictures me with a boy.  I caught myself falling into the trap - referring to the baby as he and talking about his movements and how he looked in the sonogram.  But most recently I've been rooting for the girl - the underdog.  

Whatever the gender, Baby Fuller is growing big and strong.  Apparently she'll be a gymnast because she spends all day boppin around in my stomach...luckily they're still kind of light jabs and flips.  And according to the latest sonogram, he's 13 ounces, a week ahead of schedule.  And in the last two weeks, my tummy has just popped out.  Mike says this probably isn't the half of how big I'll get.  I told my friend Mayra that I've had to heave myself around most recently and I fear that by 9 months, I'll be wheel chair bound! 

Here's to being over the hump!

Inauguration Day!

As Barack Obama put his hand on the bible today, my eyes filled with tears. I've been pretty even keeled about Barack since he won the election. I am amazed that he won, proud and so excited that my baby will be born into a United States led by a black man, by someone who looks like him or her. At the same time, I understand the challenges he faces and the fact that his triumphs will probobly come slowly....it will take as long to mend the issues of the United States as it took to create them. But I think we've done a good job of selecting someone who will start to build this country back up. I was surprised at how emotional it was too watch, how despite my best efforts, I got caught in the wave - the hope and promise that that oath has brought to our nation.

The best part of all of it was how celebratory everyone was. I don't think I've ever watched a Presidential inauguration before but today, the world stopped to take notice at "The Moment." I loved Saturdays concert, I loved today's crowds, the tears and cheers that echoed across the capitol and I really, really loved Rev. Joseph Lowry's benediction.

He reminded me of my choir days and refreshed words that are perfect for the repoirtoire of lullabys I will soon need. He spoke to the gravity of today in a language so many could understand and spoke to my growing spirituality.

But of course, my favorite part:

"Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around ... when yellow will be mellow ... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen."

Cankles

It is official, I have cankles. This weekend we took a long overdue trip to Tallahassee. Mike’s family lives there – his grandmother and the majority of his aunts and cousins on his father’s side – the Fuller clan. I really love family trips and think it’s important, especially with the baby on the way, that we get used to taking the drive up there. We can’t claim the expense because the drive to Tally is nothing compared to the cost of flights to some of the other family hot spots – St. Thomas, Dominican Republic, New York – and we can always hop a ride with Mike’s parents when they head up here. So after much lobbying on my part, we finally made it. And had a good time I might add. The house was full of babies I could practice with and spending time with Mike's family was great. You learn so much about people when you spend time with their families....all of the sudden, things they've said or reactions they've had to things make perfect sense...in a good way.


It’s kind of unfortunate that the trip waited until I was pregnant though. I have said over and over again (knock on wood) that my pregnancy has been a blessed one. I have yet to “get sick” or need a sick day due to the pregnancy. I’m a little achy, a little tired, but nothing compared to the stories I’ve heard. So the drive was fine and honestly not as long as I’d expected. But I think for any growing belly, the swollen ankles are something impossible to avoid. So when we arrived in Tallahassee and I put my feet up on Mike’s lap….I looked down perplexed at what looked to be two sprained ankles. “Honey, look at my ankles, they disappeared.” “That’s ‘cause your fat” Mike replied. He was just kidding, and I knew that, but my pride was a little hurt. He recovered quickly, “no just kidding honey, you’re beautiful, your ankles look fine.” But my extra lb’s have just recently been hitting some sort of self esteem nerve. I’m just waiting for that next month; hopefully the baby bump pops out soon so I can justify how rotund I feel. :-)

Truly Blessed

Baby Fuller started kicking this week!  I really couldn't believe it.  At first it felt like gas.  All of the baby books and preggo email alerts warn you that that's what it will feel like but you don't believe them.  I thought, I would definitely know the difference between gas and MY BABY!  But I really didn't...not at first.  And then it got more distinct and closer together and I knew it was something else.  It's so fantastic.  

Everyone says that the little flutterings and jabs that I feel are nothing, that this turns into full-fledged abuse at some point and you can feel things like the baby doing a complete flip.  Although I'm dying to get that close to d-day, I am definitely relishing the small pleasures that the baby gives me these days.

We have also started accumulating baby things already....I'm not even 5 months along and we have a crib, a bassinet, a car seat, a bath tub and an assortment of designer clothes direct from Peru (thank you Jessica and Dante)! Mike is concerned that I'm too caught up in all the baby stuff and since "broke" is our middle name (true of most 24 yr olds), I think he worries that I'll be upset if we can't afford all the stuff.  But at this point all I require are pampers and baby wipes and I think our baby will have more than enough.  I really feel blessed at the out pour of love that baby fuller has already received.

I guess a part of me is even surprised.  I've spent the last few years in something of an emotional roller coaster.  Senior year in college was filled with my mom's illness and the balance of doing what I needed to do for her and graduating.  After graduation, my life consisted of counting the days between visits with my beloved all the way in Florida until I finally moved to Florida in March of 2007.  And since then, I've been working to find my niche here.  I planned a wedding and have been lucky enough to travel to California, Boston and Washington for work.  But in the process, I lost touch.  I didn't keep up on emails and was even worse with phone calls.  I've been working at it slowly but surely and am relieved and again, blessed, that my loved ones have been patient with me and keep loving me despite my flaws.

Oh blessed baby, how happy you make me.  It's been quite some time since I've looked at the world through these rose-colored glasses.