Sunday, July 7, 2013

Post-Baby Body Journey

In April my husband and I celebrated five years of marriage and in December we will celebrate eight years together.  I was pregnant with our first and only child within five months of being married and gained 60 lbs during that pregnancy. When I walked in to deliver my son, I weighed 250 lbs.  I am only 5' 3" people; it was out of control. 


 
When I was pregnant, I read so much about what was happening to my body. There was a lot of physical change and I wanted to be sure it was all normal.  I also read about post-pregnancy, but that was really focused on nursing and sleep and anything related directly to the baby.

What I never read about was what would happen to my appearance.  I had horrendous stretch marks that literally cover my entire stomach.  Despite the promises of an array of vitamin E and cocoa butter products, they don't fade over time or get smaller.  After delivery, my stomach just deflated....there was So. Much. Skin.  It took 10 months to stretch out and many months to come back.  And after swelling to an H cup, my breasts absolutely lost their youthful perkiness (that is gentle wording for what occurred).  There was also the matter of 30 lbs to loose.  Surprisingly the first 30 were lost in delivery (talk about water weight!)

I stepped fairly easily into new motherhood.  The focus was on the baby.  The changes in my shape, this new focus and the comfort of being with the same man for four years left space for homeliness to set in.  I never really went and bought new clothes for my new body, vowing that I'd make the clothes I had work until my body "came back."  I wore maternity clothes until they were so big they fell off and then pieced together outfits from Target clearance runs, what was left in my closet that I could button or zip and my sister-in-law's hand-me-downs.  She had a big weight loss during this time. Thank goodness, because I might've been naked without her generous contributions.

This state of disarray lasted for close to four years.  I didn't really realize how bad it had gotten until it started to get better. In February 2012, I got a new job in a new city and started to pack up my closet.  Moving is expensive and relocation costs would not be covered.  I decided I wasn't going to pay to move just anything and left 3/4 of my closet behind.   Really examining those contents was eye-opening. "Wow, I don't really like any of this and, it doesn't fit well, and nothing is cut above the matronly length of just below the knee." 

I then got to my new position and stripped away even more, purchasing a few pieces of clothing here and there to support my new look as a power professional, working to hone in on what was flattering versus the "large enough to hide" approach I'd been using. 

I then came across a website, The Shape of a Mother, that showed pictures of women's post-baby bodies.  I found myself clicking through picture after picture, looking for my specific body and it's corresponding "damage."  It was therapeutic I suppose, confirmation that stretch marks, extra weight changing shape was all normal and literally happened to everyone who had a baby. 

In April of this year, my husband and I celebrated five years of marriage and I, for the first time since just after my wedding, got a Brazilian bikini wax.  TMI you say, but this was pivotal moment in rediscovering my sexy post-baby self.  Since then, I've started to notice myself in the mirror.  I still have the good kind of curves, I still have a desirable shape and there are still clothes that can make me look good.  Last week, I wore a thong.  Again, TMI you say, but I guarantee you that the transition from granny panties back to a thong is a serious milestone in the post-baby body journey.

I just came across this post on Babble about "A Beautiful Body Project," more very candid photos of post-baby bodies.  The photographer behind the site is working on a book highlighting the    “movement of women coming together to tell their stories and celebrate their ever-changing bodies so that future generations of women can live free from self-suffering.

Self-suffering isn't the phrase I would have used, but when I think about it, it's accurate. Depriving myself of a beauty regimen, sexy underthings, curve-hugging attire is self-suffering...placing myself in the role of victim to my changing body versus the empowerment that should come with a body that has brought life into this world.  

At 190 lbs, I've lost the pregnancy weight and look forward to continuing the weight loss journey. But even if my weight maintains, there will be waxes, thongs and hip-hugging garments to remind me of the particular sexy that comes with knowing what your body can do.