- I wanted to try really, really hard to go without the pain drugs and have a natural birth.
- I'm terrified by the thought of a c-section.
- Episiotomy must be a male doctor's invention....
- And I'm hoping to nurse as soon after the birth as possible.
So, following my trusty pregnancy blog PregTASTIC, I ordered the book Deliver This! off of eBay. It's a book that non judgmentally describes all of the birth options from a home birth to a scheduled c-section.
The book opens discussing the mommy wars - the ongoing battle between breastfeeding and bottles, home schooling vs. public school vs. private schools, stay at home moms vs. working moms, organic vs. non, etc. The judgement that some moms project onto other moms for choosing an option different from their own. And according to the author, the root of these judgements is an insecurity that if someone else's choice is different than yours, yours must be wrong. I really related to this concept. And I think it transcends into the things all woman judge others on. Think about why you would call someone a prude, or why you'd call them a whore....because they're doing something different from the decisions you've made about your sexuality. Or why you'd talk about someone's diet....whether they are on the strictest or such or eating whatever they'd like, it's different from what you're doing and maybe reflects what you and this person look like....so we comment on both extremes.
So I discuss my new knowledge and reflection with my husband who nods supportively and kind of smirks (because he thinks, probably not inaccurately, that I'm one of the most judgemental people he knows) and pats my hand a little patronizingly and tells me he hopes I can continue reflecting and NOT judging.
I continue reading and discover a new play called Birth...something like the Vagina Monologues but with birth stories instead of stories from your vagina. And I listen to one of the testimonials of birthing story by a Birth supporter. During her home birth, her midwife (or soul bringer as she called her) told her to fight the pain with noise and just yell. Her young daughter (4 or 5) served as her "doula" cheering her on as she went through the contractions. She nursed her husband (yes, you read that correctly) in an effort to help her contractions along. And her midwife had to stick her hand up inside her to help the baby's head out. Picture it all happening at once. Mom screaming and pushing while midwife sticks her hand inside her and Dad nurses....you the new big sister looking on.
It just seemed insane to me! As natural as birth is, it seems a bit much for a child to process. And seeing my mom scream and grunt in pain bearing down on a midwifes hand....naked....while my Dad sucks on her breast?? I mean, what could a child make of that. Of course my next move is to call my husband and talk about how crazy that seemed and ban him from putting his mouth anywhere near my titimilk (our personal phrase for breast milk) during labor or after. And he laughed at me, followed by a reminder of the judgmental base of the mommy wars. And told me I should start practicing now.
He humbled me.
My research on childbirth will probably continue until the moment my labor begins but so far, I've learned a lot. I'm still pretty much convinced of my initial thoughts. But I've added a few more:
- If it doesn't go exactly how I want it too, it'll still be ok.
- Alternative options may just provide the relief I'll need while in the throws of labor.
- And birthing options are probably as individual as the children that result from them.
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