Preggo Update - 7 months and counting....

I am officially 7 months and 5 days pregnant today....only a little under 3 months to go, less than 12 weeks; 79 days to be exact, a mere 1,896 hours! My obsessions with reading and talking about pregnancy, birth and infants have continued.

My most recent read - a book called Baby Matters that discusses attachment parenting. There seems to be a name for everything involving babies. Attachment parenting is the opposite of detached parenting. It is the rejection of theories that reinforce not holding the baby too much because it will "spoil" him. It says the idea that getting the baby out of your room and into the nursury asap is ridiculous. It rebuffs the thought that more crying strengthens babies' lungs and bawlks at the suggestion that any woman would be unable to breastfeed. Attachment parenting says that cow's milk was made for no other living being than baby cows and that the more affection, touch and literal attachment moms can provide to their babies results in more independent and self-confident babies, toddlers, children and adults.

Detachment parenting, on the other hand, leads to insecure children; babies who are left alone before they're ready and left with an emptiness and decreased sense of self as a result. This book claims detached parenting leads to long term life problems and explains everything from heightened rates of ADHD to illnesses like diabetes and cancer and even increased divorce rates and Americans' growing inability to maintain healthy, committed relationships.

In reading this book, I don't know if I agree with all of it. Like the concept of letting your child ween when they're ready (and as a result, nursing a 5 year old) or the thought that babies are absolutely safer in bed with their parents (Mike and I weight close to 500 lbs in a queen bed - lots of potential for a crushed baby). But the rest of it makes a lot of sense. If everytime I fell or stumbled or felt uncomfortable, no one was there to catch me or fix the problem, or they took a while to get to me, I'd be really scared to fall, stumple or reach any point of discomfort. But if my parents were always there, always reinforcing how wonderful and able I was, always catching me when I fell, then I would feel secure that everything will be ok. It makes perfect sense if you put yourself in the shoes (or booties) of an infant.

It does seem almost unnatural to worry about teaching an infant to be independent. They're not suppossed to be independent yet. They need you. In this sense, attachment parenting is a beautiful concept....and very instinctual. My desire to nurture and take care of my growing belly increases each and every day. I assume the same will be true of the actual baby.

So, lessons learned now that I've hit 7 months of pregnancy:

- There's no need to worry. Mothering is instinctual and, with the help of my trusty village, I will find my way.

- Optimism is a pregnant ladies BEST FRIEND. Examples:
1. Swollen ankles are nothing but an opportunity to sit in a recliner with my feet up for 4 hours. 2. That feeling like someone beat me up between my legs (medical term: round ligament pain) is just a sign that my baby is healthy growing and STRONG!
3. The fact that my life revolves around the restroom, sleep, hydration and eating is definitely good training for caring for a newborn.
4. People are just nicer to you when you're pregnant, especially your husband.
5. Getting fat is ok - and it's an excuse for new clothes.
6. Being woken up at 5 AM by hunger pains and a flailling baby is ok. It means you get to eat (something I love) and play with the baby. By playing I mean, when he/she kicks, I push back in that same spot, then he/she pushes back in the same spot and I try to touch it, and it goes on - 30 minutes later I'm still cracking up at it all and I'm confident that Michael/Gabriella knows I'm there.
...I could go on and on...

- I am really blessed with friends and loved ones. People come out of the woodworks for a Baby!

- If I can read THIS MUCH baby material, I can study for my GMAT and go get my MBA. (Random I know, but we find inspiration in the oddest places.)

- 2 baby showers later, it's confirmed, I really love baby things! So far, baby socks are my favorite.

Baby Shower # 2 - Miami, FL

This past Sunday, Mike and I were blessed with baby shower number 2! It was another intimate affair of 10 or so at Perricone's Marketplace Cafe in Brickell, Miami....home of delicious gelatto, canolli's and salmon salad!

It was so fantastic. I really loved it. We got some pretty great baby essentials - stroller and car seat, play center (exersaucer thing), baby spa, diaper genie (no to the stinkies!), adorable socks and gloves and some fabulous gift cards that I look forward to spending. And my girlfriends Kali and Heather made some great games with horrifyingly embarrassing questions like - How many times did Mike and Pamela date before she gave up the goods? What position were they in when baby Fuller was conceived? - these alongside of the traditional - Who do you think will change the first diaper? Who's more likely to cry at the delivery? Further highlights of the shower included a word search where diaper was accompanied by cock ring and prizes like 3XL granny panties and lube! I couldn't have dreamed of planning something so fun! And, to my husband's horror, his parents and sister were there to celebrate with us. I think even they could appreciate the hilarity of it all. And I really enjoyed their answers to How many times we dated before I gave up the goods - Mom - 80, Dad - 100, Adriane - eww! (I can't remember what she wrote, but that's what she said!). Good times had by all.

Kali and Heather did such a great job and the buzz around the office is that my shower was really fun. I was so happy to have one. A part of me (a big part of me) still feels foreign to South Florida so, like my bachlorette party (also planned by two of my fabulous coworkers turned friends - Sarah and Heather and equally as inappropriate - sex toy party!), I was kind of baffled to have a group of people to celebrate with! Silly, I know. Just further evidence of my village I suppose. Thank god for villages.

The Mommy Wars

My most recent pregnancy obsession has been birthing stories.  At almost 7 months, I think it's about time that I get a better idea of what this whole childbirth process is all about...beyond TV labor scenes compressed into 30 minute segments.  I went into the research feeling pretty confident of a few things:

- I wanted to try really, really hard to go without the pain drugs and have a natural birth.

- I'm terrified by the thought of a c-section.

- Episiotomy must be a male doctor's invention....

- And I'm hoping to nurse as soon after the birth as possible.

So, following my trusty pregnancy blog PregTASTIC, I ordered the book Deliver This!  off of eBay.  It's a book that non judgmentally describes all of the birth options from a home birth to a scheduled c-section.   

The book opens discussing the mommy wars - the ongoing battle between breastfeeding and bottles, home schooling vs. public school vs. private schools, stay at home moms vs. working moms, organic vs. non, etc.  The judgement that some moms project onto other moms for choosing an option different from their own.  And according to the author, the root of these judgements is an insecurity that if someone else's choice is different than yours, yours must be wrong.  I really related to this concept.  And I think it transcends into the things all woman judge others on.  Think about why you would call someone a prude, or why you'd call them a whore....because they're doing something different from the decisions you've made about your sexuality.  Or why you'd talk about someone's diet....whether they are on the strictest or such or eating whatever they'd like, it's different from what you're doing and maybe reflects what you and this person look like....so we comment on both extremes.  

So I discuss my new knowledge and reflection with my husband who nods supportively and kind of smirks (because he thinks, probably not inaccurately, that I'm one of the most judgemental people he knows) and pats my hand a little patronizingly and tells me he hopes I can continue reflecting and NOT judging. 

I continue reading and discover a new play called Birth...something like the Vagina Monologues but with birth stories instead of stories from your vagina.  And I listen to one of the testimonials of birthing story by a Birth supporter.  During her home birth, her midwife (or soul bringer as she called her) told her to fight the pain with noise and just yell.  Her young daughter (4 or 5) served as her "doula" cheering her on as she went through the contractions.  She nursed her husband (yes, you read that correctly) in an effort to help her contractions along.  And her midwife had to stick her hand up inside her to help the baby's head out.  Picture it all happening at once.  Mom screaming and pushing while midwife sticks her hand inside her and Dad nurses....you the new big sister looking on.  

It just seemed insane to me!  As natural as birth is, it seems a bit much for a child to process.  And seeing my mom scream and grunt in pain bearing down on a midwifes hand....naked....while my Dad sucks on her breast??  I mean, what could a child make of that.  Of course my next move is to call my husband and talk about how crazy that seemed and ban him from putting his mouth anywhere near my titimilk (our personal phrase for breast milk) during labor or after.  And he laughed at me, followed by a reminder of the judgmental base of the mommy wars.  And told me I should start practicing now.

He humbled me.  

My research on childbirth will probably continue until the moment my labor begins but so far, I've learned a lot.  I'm still pretty much convinced of my initial thoughts.  But I've added a few more:

- If it doesn't go exactly how I want it too, it'll still be ok.

- Alternative options may just provide the relief I'll need while in the throws of labor.

- And birthing options are probably as individual as the children that result from them. 

My Village - Washington, DC

Mis amigas!

Why Lucila, why?   

Presents!!! What mom could live without a boppy pillow.

Belly measuring! 

My last two weeks of pregnancy preparation have been full of reaching out.  As I told my sister-in-law, I think I've been "nesting" in my own way, working to create the village that I know it will take to raise this child.  From my college alumni chapter to my sorority's grad chapter, coworkers and a newly discovered resource, meetup.com, I've been working to surround myself with like-minded people, resources and families.  I've become a fan of tons of mommy written blogs and finally crawled out of my cocoon and began reaching out to my friends again...via phone and email.  

This weekend's activities really brought home to me the importance of that work.  I bit the bullet and in a moment of fiscal irresponsibility (thankfully, these moments are fewer and fewer lately), I bought a plane ticket to Washington, DC last month.  With an almost permanent kool-aid smile, I gallivanted through my old stomping grounds spending Friday at GW, lunch with my DC Best Buddies coworkers, a happy hour (yes, everyone looked at me like I'd lost my mind), Saturday mani/pedi in Alexandria and a surprise baby shower and Sunday breakfast of pancakes with Cicely and the boys!  It couldn't have gone better if I'd scripted it.

There was just so much love and smiles for me, for my belly and for what's inside.  It was a weekend full of good memories and another reminder of how blessed baby Fuller already is to be so loved and anticipated.

And an affirmation for me that I must continue reaching out, extending beyond my comfort zone, pushing myself to be present and participate.  Because Florida is my home and where I'm putting in some roots and watching them grow.

Whales

Me: Everyone in DC said my belly is really pretty. (Lifting up my shirt to rub on it.)

Him: It is pretty. But it’s so white.

Me: Yea, I haven’t gotten any sun. I’m waiting for it to warm up so I can use the pool, just go float around.

Him: Like a whale

Me: (Crazy look on my face) What? You’re a whale!

Him: (Laughing) Hey!

Me: I can’t be a fish or a dolphin, I have to be a whale!? I’m pregnant, what’s your excuse?

Him: (Laughing and trying to kiss me) I’m pregnant too. You said you hate when I say “Pamela got pregnant.” Well then, I’m pregnant too.

Impatient!

This month I officially completed 6 months of pregnancy.  6 months!  only 3 more months to go and there will be a little Fuller running (really, laying) around.  My impatience is really kicking in.  I am running out of things to research and read about and now, I just want the baby to be here!  I want to go blow all my money at Babies R Us and know if it's a boy or a girl.  I want to be home on maternity leave and finally discover what all of this nursing business is all about.  I want to see Mike holding his first born, see my Dad with his first niet@, see my brother with his first sobrin@, see my mom be maternal again with a baby.  I want to see how my 2 year old nephew reacts to someone little and squishy and how my younger siblings play their role as the youngest Ti@s in history.

President's Day

After 3 years out in the workforce, I've decided that the 5 day, 40 hour work week is ridiculous.  For people who have families, it's terrible that you need to spend most of your kids waking hours away from them.  School ends at 3 pm (more or less) but your work day ends at 6 PM.  What kind of sense does it make that the most important thing you'll ever do in life (raise children) takes second priority to your employment....which I feel like a lot of moms only do for the paycheck.  And this very short-lived weekend - Saturday for some sort of activity and Sunday to prepare for another grueling work week.  The 3 day weekend should be mandatory twice a month. 

Today was so wonderful.  I woke up at 9....picked up around the house and started the laundry.  I sat here at the computer on google chat for a few hours.  I responded to many of the neglected emails that have accumulated in my inbox the past month or so, checked ALL of my email accounts and read blogs to my hearts delight.  

I then hoped in the shower - another shower in awe of my growing belly and nipples that look more and more like they're for food and not my husband's pleasure as the days pass.  

And then off to Mike's office for a nice lunch with my husband.  It was only burger king (don't judge us, we're about to have a baby - the king understands a budget) but it was nice to be outside, talking, if only for 30 minutes.  

I then headed over to the Pompano Beach Public Library.  I got a library card and spent a wonderful two hours picking up random things from the stacks.  I came home with an assortment of pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding DVDs and books by Jonthan Kozel, Zane, James McBride and Edwidge Danticat.  (I feel like I should say here that I got Zane's recent nonfiction book, not one of her erotica stories....but again, don't judge me.)  

Then back home where I jumped into my PJ's and into bed to read the first of my four books.  And I've just ended the day with a yummy afternoon snack and this blog post as my husband steps through the door.

Everyone, single or not, parent or not, deserves a day like this every couple of weeks...I mean weekly really.  A day to just do and be as you please...no pressures or requirements. 

Health & Fitness

I listen to a pregnancy podcast called Pregtastic.  It's a panel of 3-6 women who are expecting.  Once women give birth, they are rotated out for new pregnant women and the topics vary from breastfeeding to pregnancy choices and what doctors are saying.  They begin each show with basic introductions and 2 ups and a down....2 positives and a negative.  In the spirit of which this blog was conceived, I will begin with my 2 ups in a continued effort to see the positive.

Up #1 - I really do like being pregnant - I feel good, I look good, my baby and I are healthy....what more could I ask for.

Up #2 - In effort to heed my Doctor's recent warnings about my health, I have not had a single pastry or sweet this week.  I've drank all the water and milk my bladder can handle.  And went on two nigh time walks around our community walking trail.

Down - I really want some of the key lime pie that's sitting in our fridge right now.  And I fear I will be off the short-lived health wagon quickly.

Health & Fitness just do not come naturally for me.  Everyone says, work out for a few weeks and it becomes second nature.  It's all about making it a routine, a part of your daily life.  Eating healthy is not about dieting, it's about lifestyle changes.  

But, I don't like to "work out."  I like activities and activities cost money - boxing class costs money, yoga and pilates classes cost money.  And those are just things I don't have the money for.  I will keep hope alive that this daily walking will do the trick - I take it as more of a convo session with my sister-in-law so hopefully her motivation lasts!

And, in terms of eating healthy as a lifestyle, as my mom used to say when I was young - I don't believe in that.  Intellectually, I know that eating healthy can make a HUGE difference in your life, in your health.  But, pancakes, rice and beans, lasagna and tres leches also make a HUGE difference in my life.  I love food - I love to eat it, to buy it, to cook it.  New recipes, restaurants,  afternoon treats at work - I really do love it all!! 

I know that the answer is balance - that, like everything in this life of multiple hats, I just need to find my center - walk as much as I can, eat the lasagna but not the tres leches today, the tres leches after a salad dinner tomorrow.  But, also like everything else, this is often easier said than done.  

Octuplets in California

Maybe it is my pregnancy, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve always said I want a big family, but I can’t get my mind off of this woman in California with 14 children. I watched her interview on Dateline last night and came away with so many different thoughts.

I agree with her – if I were to find out I was pregnant with 6 babies, I wouldn’t abort any of them. I just can’t be responsible for that.

I think it’s terrible that she says she had a dysfunctional home but can’t really say what the dysfunction was – her mother was a little distant? Her parents can’t be all that bad – they’re there helping her raise all of these kids.

Something about her saying her children are filling a void in her rubbed me the wrong way. And that she doesn’t want to be married, she wants the love of her children. Your children can’t provide the companionship and support that a partner can provide. And they shouldn’t be expected too, nor should they be expected to fill a void you have – you need some help for that.

I am not against single women having children…I don’t think lack of a partner should preclude someone from being a parent. But the extent to which she’s doing it. Single moms of 1 or 2 struggle…but 14.

She kept saying on the interview that when she gets her master’s degree in a year and a half, she’d start working and be able to support her kids.

1. What kind of salary does a family of 15 require – she has no work experience, how could she get that?

2. How can she work 8 hours a day and manage a household of so many children, especially some children with special needs.

And in terms of supporting her family, she’s currently accepting food stamps but she somehow came up with $60,000 to pay for IVF treatments ($10K for 6 pregnancies) and whatever her nose job and botox cost. Nevermind the manicure and tips she was sporting in the interview.

As a mom-to-be, I haven’t had my eyebrows done in 6 months and haven’t gotten a mani/pedi since I was in the Dominican Republic where it cost 4 dollars. I don’t understand how people come up with this kind of money. Something doesn’t add up.

But despite my racing thoughts about the situation, I do wish her and all her children the best. I hope that the doctor who implanted so many eggs in a single, unemployed student with six children is somehow debarred and I hope that her 8 babies don’t have any of the delays or troubles that they are predispositioned to have.

I’m torn because I don’t really believe anyone can tell a woman whether or not to have children or how many children a person can have….but her situation seems so selfish and irresponsible. For her kids sake, I hope her decisions were and continue to be the right ones.

Preggo Update - 23 weeks

I am now in my 23rd week of pregnancy - so 5 months and 2 weeks have passed - 2 weeks to go until that 6th month.  Part of me wishes I could accelerate this process and the logical part of me knows that Mike and I probably need the next three months to really prepare for Baby Fuller.   But I'm just so anxious to see those little fingers and toes, see whose eyes he/she has, see whether I should be saying she or he.

The photos above were taken the week before our move... so I'm even bigger now I think.  And although I dread buying anymore clothes, I love getting bigger and bigger.

Having just finished my 25 random things list on Facebook, I've been thinking in terms of lists so here goes, some random things about my pregnancy in recent weeks.

1. I've missed 2 Doctor appointments in the last week.  The first was rescheduled (after I waited for 3 and a half hours) because the Dr. was in the delivery room with the other Dr's baby (partners in practice)  and the second, I slept through.  

2. I'm in awe of MIA's Grammy performance - Can I dance around a stage at nine months pregnant?  or even now?  doubtful as 5 stairs have me out of breath.

3. My husband and his Dad built our baby's crib today.   When I saw it, I got all teary eyed and didn't turn around until I could get it together - lest the family see my sappyness.

4. My feet hurt pretty much all the time.  I'm going to try to soak them this week for some relief.

5. The Nursing Mother's Companion has become the top book on my personal top 10 reads list.  What to Expect When Your Expecting is next, I'm obsessed.

6. I learned that Mylanta can double as diaper rash ointment (thanks Ethel!)

7. I watched birthing videos on youtube at the recommendation of some of my coworkers.  They're mom's so I thought I should heed their advise.  I was a little traumatized....do you know how big a baby's head is??  And an episiotomy...really, it's awful.

8. I officially can't see my toes in the shower.

9. My baby's movements have become pretty constant - it's such a perfect feeling right now because it doesn't hurt yet...it's just constant tickles and flutters.  So cute.

10.   One of the hotel contacts I work with at Best Buddies has been away on maternity leave for the last 3 months.  Her voicemail at the hotel she works at says she'll be back February 1st.  When she wasn't back, I spoke to one of her colleagues and she said that she didn't come back.  She decided to stay home and be a full-time mom - I want to be like her when I grow up.  If only one income were enough for it all.