What's My Mom Score? OR Am I doing this right?

According to Wikipedia, "a mother (or mum/mom) is a woman who has raised a child, given birth to a child, and/or supplied the egg which in union with a sperm grew into a child."  The definition of a mother is so straightforward, child = mother, mother = child.  The realities of motherhood are so much more complex.  I am raising, have given birth too and supplied the egg for a child.  His name is Michael and he is amazing.  I am a mother.

The complexity arises in the adjective I suppose.  I am a mother, but am I a good mother or a bad mother?  There is no such thing as the perfect mother, that much I know.  But if I were to make a list of my flaws as a mother (probably not a good idea from a mental health perspective), and put them on a scale with a list of the things that make me an awesome mother (a wonderful activity for my mental health), which side would be heaviest?

I do think I get points for intention.  I always try to do my best and I own up to when I haven't (like this evening's TV marathon) and when I don't do well, I end on a high note (like this evening's story time after said marathon and before bed).  Sometimes I wish there were points, and an actual scorecard.  Not so that I can compare to other Moms' scorecards, just so that I could have documentation that I am doing more right than wrong in this journey of motherhood.

On the positive, I love my son fiercely and I tell him so every chance I get complete with hugs and kisses, I read to him each and every day, push him to do all that he can, try to create experiences for him and work to spend as much time with him as possible.  

On the negative, I cannot seem to get a handle on this cleaning business - how do people keep up with dishes, laundry, clutter, grout and and the vacuum?  I mean, I can maintain the basics (usually) but the details like ironing and dusting are just beyond me.  When I've had a bad day or am in my feelings about something, Myki definitely feels my impatience.  And I spend entirely too much time on electronic devices - on my phone checking my email and social media, my computer writing and working.  He once told me, "Mami, when you aren't looking at your phone, you're a good Mami and when you are looking at your phone, you are not a good Mami."  And another piece for the positive pile, my son is honest!  

Positive Strides

My son and I participated in our first fitness event yesterday.  I currently serve on the National Leadership Team of my sorority but between the work that entails, my professional work, writing, family and friends, I rarely have time to support the local chapters.  One of them hosted a Senorita (that's us) Fun Run at a nearby park. The event raised funds for a literacy organization in Northern Virginia and participants were asked to dress as their favorite literary character.  When I received the announcement, I thought, this is the perfect opportunity to kill two (or five) birds with one stone.

1. Affordable family fun and fitness - Check!
2. Mami and Myki bonding - Check!
3. Explore a new place - Check!
4. Support a local Chapter and some Hermanas (sisters) that are important to me - Check!
5. Fundraise for literacy - Check!

My son has motivated me to do and accomplish so many things since coming into this world four years ago.  When he was born, I found myself in a frenzy.  He deserved so much, including an amazing mother who could show him, through her actions, that accomplishing your goals is only a matter of effort.  So I applied, was accepted to and completed an MBA program that I entered when he was 6 months old.  Every professional decision and job shift has been an effort to excel for him.

And yet, I have not applied this same motivation to my health.  I talk a good game about the importance of being healthy, of living a long and healthy life because that is what I and my family deserve.  I've also made some sincere and substantial efforts at weight loss, fitness and an overall healthy lifestyle.  And to ensure I am not totally self-deprecating, I have held on to some of those good behaviors and implemented some positive changes in the long-term.  But I do need to do more.

I have not committed the same fervor to my health or that of my family as I have to my professional and personal endeavors.  Instead of using Myki as a motivator to my fitness, I have historically used him as an excuse, a reason why I couldn't fit in exercise or make energy for it.  

There was a sixth and unexpected benefit to this morning of fun.  Myki sure did teach me about internal motivation.  The race course was a two or three mile (waiting on confirmed distance) route up one way and back the other.  Myki and I started at a run and quickly slowed to a jog and then a pretty leisurely walk.  About halfway up the first leg, we started to see the other runners come back.  I asked Myki if he wanted to just turn back and run with them to the finish line.  "No mami, we HAVE to keep going!"  He was adamant that he was going to finish the race completely.  We got to the halfway point and he was elated and feeling accomplished.  We turned around and he kept at it.  Just a bit before the finish line, he was really struggling and started saying how tired he was.  Then, just as the finish line was within view, he gave himself a little pep talk:

C'mon Michael, you can do it!  Don't stop.  Don't drop yourself.

Don't drop yourself!  And as we ran across the finish line hand in hand and I heard "we are the champions" in my head, he said, "I did it!  I carried myself the whole way and I won the race."  As the only child to do the whole thing (of 2), he did win the kid's category as well as a frozen yogurt gift certificate for best boys' costume!  It was a great day and gave me a good kick in the butt about the importance of family fitness.

I have signed Myki up for Fall soccer to continue to nurture his competitive spirit and personal perseverance and am committed to signing us up for future Mami and Myki runs this Fall!  #fromthemouthesofbabes

Has your child ever surprised or inspired you with their will and fortitude?  (I know they have!  Tell me about it!)

5 Strategies for Beating the Sleepies

This was initially going to be a piece about how exhausted I have been the last few weeks.  But, inspired by my audience (that's you!) and the spirit of this blog (positive and optimistic!), I thought hard about how to beat this exhaustion that seems to be weighing me down.  

1. Treat Yourself! 

Wake-Up, Get to Work, Work, Pick-Up Son, Dinner, Bath, Sleep - REPEAT
Sometimes, the predictability of routine is exhausting.  Each day passes and nothing much has really happened, no special memories made or story to tell.  Sometimes you need a treat.  This week, I tried to treat myself to something each day.  I took my son out to dinner one night, we baked some delicious banana bread together another and post-bedtime, I watched Pitch Perfect with a glass of wine; I even bought a fancy exfoliating shower gel for some at-home spa time!  

2. Get moving!

Every article I read about fighting exhaustion recommends exercising.  While I have had bouts of fitness success, I struggle in the long term.  One of my challenges is comparing my start to someone else's finish. People run marathons and practice yoga what seems like 24/7.  I wake up and check my email and social media to find that while I rub sleep out of my eyes, my Facebook friends have already completed a five mile run.  No, at the moment I can't run five miles, and especially not at 6 AM, but I sure can walk around the block or up to the park (pictures below of Myki and I's mini-hike) or even just do some jumping jacks, high knees and push-ups with my four year old. 

3. Make a list and check it twice!

Rarely is exhaustion just about a lack of sleep or something physical.  A bad case of the sleepies can be caused by stress, anxiety, overwhelmedness or simply having too much to do!  Write it out - write down everything that is causing these emotions and every errand you need to complete or project you need to think through.  There is much truth to the saying, "you can't have it all."  Take a look at the list and prioritize. What is most important and what is manageable?  I once read a LinkedIn article on the trick of To Do lists that suggested for each day, you make a list of one large task, three medium level tasks and five small tasks.  That is the guideline for a workday.  I propose adjusting that as a personal guide for the week.  For example, this week, I will complete:

Large

1. Resume Job - I have a small resume "business" and have one client this week who needs a winning Federal resume!

Medium

1. Thoughtful Blog Post

2. Chapter Letters - I currently serve as national Director of Expansion for my sorority and owe two chapters an update on various projects 

3. Laundry is mostly done, but I have some folding, hanging and putting away to do.

Small

1. Daily writing/coloring exercise with Myki

2. Breakfast of Champions - I'm trying to address my diet one meal at a time.  This week's task is to master a healthy breakfast.

3. Resume Evaluations - I have two clients in the wings and need to touch base with them 

4. One cooking project with Myki - measurement, following directions, doing someone other than TV together and celebrating with a yummy treat afterward!

5. Read a Chapter of The Secrets to Happy Families, a book I've been trying to get through for months and one my husband and I are trying to implement in our family.

4. You Time!
In a fast-paced world with countless responsibilities, exhaustion can be more about mental energy than anything else.  Your brain is literally tired of always being in motion.  Do you have something you do to clear your mind?  My brain is so busy, I find meditation and yoga exhausting; it is just so hard to clear my thoughts and then I beat myself up for "failing" at something that is supposed to be helpful.  But a nice long shower or some beautification (at-home manicure, salon, massage) always does the trick.  A good book or writing session has also been known to work.  I have a girlfriend who is super crafty, always crocheting or knitting something.  Find what works for you and make some time for it!

5. Sleep!
Then again, sometimes you just need a nap.  Maybe you've been unable to sleep or burning the midnight oil on a project one too many nights in a row.  Conventional wisdom recommends a minimum of six hours of sleep a night, but it is also important to know what your body needs.  Personally, I need more like eight to be fully functioning so sometimes, I just need to go to sleep at 8:30 PM to make up for a few too-late nights or too-early mornings in a row.