Positive Strides

My son and I participated in our first fitness event yesterday.  I currently serve on the National Leadership Team of my sorority but between the work that entails, my professional work, writing, family and friends, I rarely have time to support the local chapters.  One of them hosted a Senorita (that's us) Fun Run at a nearby park. The event raised funds for a literacy organization in Northern Virginia and participants were asked to dress as their favorite literary character.  When I received the announcement, I thought, this is the perfect opportunity to kill two (or five) birds with one stone.

1. Affordable family fun and fitness - Check!
2. Mami and Myki bonding - Check!
3. Explore a new place - Check!
4. Support a local Chapter and some Hermanas (sisters) that are important to me - Check!
5. Fundraise for literacy - Check!

My son has motivated me to do and accomplish so many things since coming into this world four years ago.  When he was born, I found myself in a frenzy.  He deserved so much, including an amazing mother who could show him, through her actions, that accomplishing your goals is only a matter of effort.  So I applied, was accepted to and completed an MBA program that I entered when he was 6 months old.  Every professional decision and job shift has been an effort to excel for him.

And yet, I have not applied this same motivation to my health.  I talk a good game about the importance of being healthy, of living a long and healthy life because that is what I and my family deserve.  I've also made some sincere and substantial efforts at weight loss, fitness and an overall healthy lifestyle.  And to ensure I am not totally self-deprecating, I have held on to some of those good behaviors and implemented some positive changes in the long-term.  But I do need to do more.

I have not committed the same fervor to my health or that of my family as I have to my professional and personal endeavors.  Instead of using Myki as a motivator to my fitness, I have historically used him as an excuse, a reason why I couldn't fit in exercise or make energy for it.  

There was a sixth and unexpected benefit to this morning of fun.  Myki sure did teach me about internal motivation.  The race course was a two or three mile (waiting on confirmed distance) route up one way and back the other.  Myki and I started at a run and quickly slowed to a jog and then a pretty leisurely walk.  About halfway up the first leg, we started to see the other runners come back.  I asked Myki if he wanted to just turn back and run with them to the finish line.  "No mami, we HAVE to keep going!"  He was adamant that he was going to finish the race completely.  We got to the halfway point and he was elated and feeling accomplished.  We turned around and he kept at it.  Just a bit before the finish line, he was really struggling and started saying how tired he was.  Then, just as the finish line was within view, he gave himself a little pep talk:

C'mon Michael, you can do it!  Don't stop.  Don't drop yourself.

Don't drop yourself!  And as we ran across the finish line hand in hand and I heard "we are the champions" in my head, he said, "I did it!  I carried myself the whole way and I won the race."  As the only child to do the whole thing (of 2), he did win the kid's category as well as a frozen yogurt gift certificate for best boys' costume!  It was a great day and gave me a good kick in the butt about the importance of family fitness.

I have signed Myki up for Fall soccer to continue to nurture his competitive spirit and personal perseverance and am committed to signing us up for future Mami and Myki runs this Fall!  #fromthemouthesofbabes

Has your child ever surprised or inspired you with their will and fortitude?  (I know they have!  Tell me about it!)

Following My Own Advice

"Sometimes you're a good Mami and sometimes you're a bad Mami.  When you work (read: look at your phone) instead of reading the story, you're a bad Mami."

Sometimes you need your baby to tell you how it is.  Recently, I have had an incredibly short attention span. There is always a sense that I am neglecting an email, have waited too long to respond to a networking message or have missed important articles about what is going on in the world or my industry.   

My son's comment is one of many signs that I need to take a moment and clear my head.  I recently realized I had triple-booked myself next week - who does that?  I also currently have at least a dozen draft blog posts in my que and haven't completed one in three weeks; and I've started no less than five books in the last month, finishing exactly none.

I think it is my recent obsession with balance that has me so scattered.  After a bit of a personal and professional dry spell, I have spent the last three or four months making wonderful progress on both fronts.  I've been writing in my blog, serving on an organization's national board and fully engaged in that service, considering entrepreneurship, making incredible inroads at work and networking like nobody's business.  I had resumed fun plans and play dates on the weekends with my husband and son and even managed to lose five pounds.  

Maybe, I thought, maybe I'm close to mastering this balancing act.  But in true Pamela fashion, this bit of success and the excitement it came with fueled my intensity and I thought, I can do more; I can have it all!

I have always subscribed to the philosophy, "go big or go home."  But I think the world of a professional wife and mother, especially one with significant personal and extracurricular commitments (isn't that most of us?), doesn't have room for such rigid thinking.  

While I may write about the importance of balance and allowing yourself the room to make concessions, prioritize and say "no," I have not lived up to my own advice.  I was doing a bit too much the last few months and I think it scrambled my brain a bit.

I look forward to refocusing my efforts, setting feasible goals and being a "good Mami."  For the record, the initial quote from today's post was followed by a very heartfelt declaration if love from my little guy.

Can Women (or I) do Less?

I have spent the last year slightly obsessed with the question, can women have it all?  The first question to consider in this discussion is, how do we define all?  For me "all" is a rather overwhelming concept.  It includes:

- a solid career (not a job) with a comfortable salary, reliable benefits and at least two weeks of paid vacation (preferably three to four);
- the time, energy and resources to nurture my relationships with my spouse, son, extended family and friends;
- feeling as though Myki not only has everything he needs, but also everything I'd like him to have
- the possibility of another Myki
- home ownership
- true health - physical, mental and emotional health
- regularly scheduled "me" time

I know I am not unique in wanting all of these things.  But I've recently read and encountered some perspectives that make me wonder if its detrimental to my overall happiness to seek so much.  My definition of "having it all" includes seven measures that each have complicated and difficult to achieve sub-elements.  Who has the time to perfect each of these things all at once? 

Perhaps the question to ask is, can women do less?  In Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg states that working mothers compare their work success to men and their roles as spouse and mother to stay at home moms.  Both comparisons are unfair to ourselves.  Another example - I started running two years ago using the Couch to 5K app.  My goal each day was to finish the cycle; sometimes the run part was more like a slow crawl, but I finished.  I couldn't and didn't compare myself to an Olympic runner, someone whose whole job was to run.  It isn't my full-time job to run and yet I, like many women, don't give myself a break with other things like work and motherhood.

Professionally, I am doing some work with FranklinCovey. Through our work together, I got my hands on a copy of The 4 Disciplines of Execution.  I'm about 60 pages into the book and the first discipline is about focusing your goals.  The book sites brain research that shows humanity is hard-wired to be able to do only one thing at a time.  But as women, we are taught to perpetually multi-task and that doing it all is the goal.  According to the 4 Disciplines, the more you do, the less you do well. 

This is not a revolutionary concept; we have heard it before: 

A jack of all trades is master of none.

For everything you get you have to give something away.



Perhaps the "can women have it all" debate is counterproductive to women's overall happiness and sense of accomplishment?  If I can't balance everything and do everything perfectly, I feel I have failed.  That kind of pressure is not really reasonable.  For me, I think the true test will be refining my definition of "all" and getting comfortable with the idea that everything is a process.  I still beleive the collective measure of "all" can encompass everything above, but I need to slow down and focus on one or two items versus spreading my limited energy and efforts across seven elements.

How do you define having it all?  Is having it all the goal?


Be Careful What you Wish For

When I had my son, I wanted more than anything to be a stay at home mom. I never viewed myself as that kind of person but even when I was pregnant, I just knew that nothing I had to do outside of the home would be as important as him. Everyone told me that knowing me, I'd be miserable at home. That I was such a hard worker and I enjoyed work and I'd be bored.

I didn't think I'd be bored. I thought I'd pour all of that organization and work ethic into my days with Myki. We'd have a schedule better than any daycare. We'd go outside and explore nature, go to play groups, have musical instruments at home to have concerts with. We'd do art projects and science experiments and go the whole day without the TV on! (imagine!) We'd eat healthy balanced meals and have nap time at the same time each day. And while he was napping, I'd clean and catch up on laundry and emails and just have the perfect home and balance. I would be the best damn stay at home mom ever!

I am on Week 3 of this utopia I had wished for and let me tell you, it's not the picnic I'd envisioned. I know, you told me so! But my challenges are not the ones everyone envisioned I'd have. I'm far from bored, I'm elated to be home! But I'm still living in that state of overwhelmed that I've been unable to shake since Myki was born.

I didn't wash my face or brush my teeth today until 10:30 AM! What is that? There are piles of laundry in my bedroom, the floors need to be mopped, the bathroom, ugh, the bathroom, I have a sink full of dirty dishes and Myki is in the t-shirt he slept in because I haven't managed to bathe him yet. He passed out at 10:30 after a particularly difficult morning and I felt complete relief.

Since Myki was born, I've said breastfeeding was the hardest thing I'd ever done. But I change my mind. Being a stay-at-home mom while looking for work, trying to start a business and be a wife is the most difficult thing I've ever done. It feels impossible to keep my day consistent and structured. Each day I have goals for my schedule, my activities with Myki, apply or follow up on job opportunities, get a,b AND c done for my new business idea and clean! And in three weeks, I've met all of those goals maybe once.

I know that there are mami's out there who are not so overwhelmed with it all. They can manage everything and they look great while doing it. What's the secret?

My sister-in-law says it's all a farce. No one can have and do it all. But I can't even manage to make it LOOK like I'm doing it all. The past few days I wonder how I even had time to go to work?!?!

The problem with setting very high expectations is that, if you fall short, it's easy to focus on the failure versus focusing on how close you came and working to do better next time. So here I go, trying to get closer to the bar, onto the goals of the day!

It's easier to do so having been able to unload my rants here. Thanks for reading!