Monday, June 24, 2013

Following My Own Advice

"Sometimes you're a good Mami and sometimes you're a bad Mami.  When you work (read: look at your phone) instead of reading the story, you're a bad Mami."


Sometimes you need your baby to tell you how it is.  Recently, I have had an incredibly short attention span. There is always a sense that I am neglecting an email, have waited too long to respond to a networking message or have missed important articles about what is going on in the world or my industry.   

My son's comment is one of many signs that I need to take a moment and clear my head.  I recently realized I had triple-booked myself next week - who does that?  I also currently have at least a dozen draft blog posts in my que and haven't completed one in three weeks; and I've started no less than five books in the last month, finishing exactly none.

I think it is my recent obsession with balance that has me so scattered.  After a bit of a personal and professional dry spell, I have spent the last three or four months making wonderful progress on both fronts.  I've been writing in my blog, serving on an organization's national board and fully engaged in that service, considering entrepreneurship, making incredible inroads at work and networking like nobody's business.  I had resumed fun plans and play dates on the weekends with my husband and son and even managed to lose five pounds.  

Maybe, I thought, maybe I'm close to mastering this balancing act.  But in true Pamela fashion, this bit of success and the excitement it came with fueled my intensity and I thought, I can do more; I can have it all!

I have always subscribed to the philosophy, "go big or go home."  But I think the world of a professional wife and mother, especially one with significant personal and extracurricular commitments (isn't that most of us?), doesn't have room for such rigid thinking.  

While I may write about the importance of balance and allowing yourself the room to make concessions, prioritize and say "no," I have not lived up to my own advice.  I was doing a bit too much the last few months and I think it scrambled my brain a bit.

I look forward to refocusing my efforts, setting feasible goals and being a "good Mami."  For the record, the initial quote from today's post was followed by a very heartfelt declaration if love from my little guy.




Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Simple Things

Everyday this week, I have layed out Myki's clothes and given him fifteen or so minutes to get dressed.  To my amazement, he has dressed himself!  This feels basic I know, but teaching self-care is not my forte as a mother.  In fact, Myki's ability to dress himself is absolutely a credit to his father. His Dad is really wonderful at teaching him little tricks and tips, shortcuts to pulling pants on and getting your shirt on properly.

I lack a certain patience for teaching self-care.  I also, in true Mami fashion, always want to help and do things for Myki instead of empowering him to do it himself.  My instinct is to carry him despite his being almost four feet tall and I want to scrub him down in the tub (just to make sure he's really clean) and brush his teeth for him (so I can get to the molars!).  But doing everything for Myki is not the answer.  It is absolutely the easier way out for me - if I do it, I know it is properly done and it usually takes half the time.

I know what you are wondering - isn't this counter-intuitive?  In one post, Fine Motor Skills, I am talking about how I don't want teachers to give Myki a pass academically.  And today, I lament the fact that I give him a pass in learning how to take care of himself.  The last two week's of dressing himself has me changing my approach.  First, he's so proud of himself when he dresses himself.  Second, I'm so proud of him when he dresses himself!  This goes to show that four years in, I am still learning from Myki on the regular.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Fine Motor Skills

Myki will officially enter Pre-K next year and Kindergarten the year after that.  His Dad and I have recently refocused our efforts on his academics.  Four year old academics you ask? Yes, we sound and sometimes feel excessive, a little bit Tiger Mother if you will.  Myki meets or exceeds all of the benchmarks for a four year old's development. So, why do we feel the need to push him more?

Our academic desires for him move far beyond ability.  It is really important to us that Michael reach his full potential.  We are obviously bias, but this kid is sharp.  He is inquisitive and creative.  He also has so  much energy!  We have already had one or two teachers in his short academic career refer to him as "having trouble focusing," or say that it is very difficult for him to "sit still."

I have three fears for his academic progress:

1.  When you are really bright and ahead of your peers, it is very easy for you to stop trying.  If being good  comes easy to you, why ever push yourself to be exceptional?  Why work really hard for a B+ in Honors when I can get an A in the regular class?  Why do the extra credit or the homework when I know I'll ace the test?  I want to ensure that Myki doesn't become complacent.

2.  I don't want anyone giving Myki a pass on performing academically.  References to tons of energy are usually a gateway comment to, "maybe he has ADHD" or "boys mature later."  While these things may be true, it's not ok to let a little boy get away with things a girl can't.  Or to let someone with more energy bounce around the room while the other kids are learning.  I don't want Myki to think anything less than focus is ok.  He needs to learn to know that there is a time and place for all kinds of behavior.

3. He'll just get lost in the shuffle or fly under the radar.  In one of Michael's classes, there was a little boy who just got in trouble everyday.  He was putting his hands on other kids, not listening to the teacher, just out of control.  His mom and I would arrive to pick the kids up around the same time and guess which of us was more engaged by the teacher?  The troublemaker's mom.  The teacher would have a 20 minute conversation with her.  If I arrived first and tried to engage her on Myki's progress, she would cut me short when the other mom arrived; "Michael's doing really well.  Have a great night!"  Teachers have large classes and often, not enough resources.  While I understand that, I want to be sure my son never falls through the cracks.  Knowing him and challenging him are important to his development, both at home and at school.






I know that academics are a priority to most parents.  How do you impact your child(ren)'s learning?  We are spending the summer focusing on fine motor skills and writing.  We have daily goals in a workbook and are trying to get Myki used to the idea that each morning and afternoon, he needs to sit down and do a few pages in this workbook before he can do anything fun like TV or the pool.  Sometimes I worry that we are pushing too hard, he is only four after all.  But then I think of my worries above and feel reassured that focusing on his academics now will help him be as great as I know he can be.


Friday, June 7, 2013

B is for Birthday!

My little guy turned four on Wednesday!  Four is a little bit surreal as far as your child's age goes.  Three years old means he can automatically play with twice as many toys (goodbye choking hazard!) and five years old means he is "school-age."  Four is a combination of dull ache because your baby is officially a child, a big kid if you will, and general excitement because he is starting to read, write, ask critical questions and come to very creative solutions and scenarios for how the world works.

Year after year, Myki's birthday gets more and more exciting.  I thought last year Myki really understood that his birthday was a special day.  But last year pales in comparison to this year's excitement!  He has been asking if it is his birthday for the last three months, ever since we began getting birthday party invites from his classmates.  He couldn't wait until his friends sang for him and gave him presents.  

While we couldn't quite pull-off the large birthday party for all, we managed to have an incredibly special day complete with school friends, home friends, strawberry pancakes (as requested), cake, an abundance of presents and of course, the guest of honor, IRON MAN!



My family never really did birthday parties.  I didn't have any until I was old enough to plan and throw them for myself.  And now that I'm an adult, only the divisible by 5 birthdays really seem to matter and I find that all I'd like to do on my birthday is spend some quality "me" time followed by fancy dinner with the family.

I do hope that Myki always feels extra special on his birthday.  As his mom, each year is a celebration of the accomplishments of the past year and anticipation of the successes yet to come.  Happy 4th Birthday Michael!

Do you throw your kids birthday parties?   Are you big on themes and goodie bags, or more of an "invite everyone over to hang out" kind of host?