Be Careful What you Wish For

When I had my son, I wanted more than anything to be a stay at home mom. I never viewed myself as that kind of person but even when I was pregnant, I just knew that nothing I had to do outside of the home would be as important as him. Everyone told me that knowing me, I'd be miserable at home. That I was such a hard worker and I enjoyed work and I'd be bored.

I didn't think I'd be bored. I thought I'd pour all of that organization and work ethic into my days with Myki. We'd have a schedule better than any daycare. We'd go outside and explore nature, go to play groups, have musical instruments at home to have concerts with. We'd do art projects and science experiments and go the whole day without the TV on! (imagine!) We'd eat healthy balanced meals and have nap time at the same time each day. And while he was napping, I'd clean and catch up on laundry and emails and just have the perfect home and balance. I would be the best damn stay at home mom ever!

I am on Week 3 of this utopia I had wished for and let me tell you, it's not the picnic I'd envisioned. I know, you told me so! But my challenges are not the ones everyone envisioned I'd have. I'm far from bored, I'm elated to be home! But I'm still living in that state of overwhelmed that I've been unable to shake since Myki was born.

I didn't wash my face or brush my teeth today until 10:30 AM! What is that? There are piles of laundry in my bedroom, the floors need to be mopped, the bathroom, ugh, the bathroom, I have a sink full of dirty dishes and Myki is in the t-shirt he slept in because I haven't managed to bathe him yet. He passed out at 10:30 after a particularly difficult morning and I felt complete relief.

Since Myki was born, I've said breastfeeding was the hardest thing I'd ever done. But I change my mind. Being a stay-at-home mom while looking for work, trying to start a business and be a wife is the most difficult thing I've ever done. It feels impossible to keep my day consistent and structured. Each day I have goals for my schedule, my activities with Myki, apply or follow up on job opportunities, get a,b AND c done for my new business idea and clean! And in three weeks, I've met all of those goals maybe once.

I know that there are mami's out there who are not so overwhelmed with it all. They can manage everything and they look great while doing it. What's the secret?

My sister-in-law says it's all a farce. No one can have and do it all. But I can't even manage to make it LOOK like I'm doing it all. The past few days I wonder how I even had time to go to work?!?!

The problem with setting very high expectations is that, if you fall short, it's easy to focus on the failure versus focusing on how close you came and working to do better next time. So here I go, trying to get closer to the bar, onto the goals of the day!

It's easier to do so having been able to unload my rants here. Thanks for reading!

Our Daily Routine

A snapshot of our daily "routine." I put routine in quotes because I have never been good at routines (diets, working out, planning the work and working the plan), at least not in my personal life. I'm a hell of worker when it comes to working for other people. There's probably something to that.

So everyday I try to adhere to a plan - we'll wake up, breakfast, go for a walk, come home and play, eat, sleep, eat again, watch a movie/tv show, head outside for another 15 minutes of running around and free play until dinner, dinner, bath, bedtime routine and sleep. But meals and naptime never seem to be at the same time each day and my morning walks have gone from consistent, to short, to option in just a week and a half!

But Myki ensures that no matter WHAT our day looks like, we head outside. He starts pacing the living room from the front to the door, jiggle the handle, bang on it, turn around, repeat. So at least once a day, but usually twice, we head outide, if only just outside the door, so he can collect his absolute favorite thing, ROCKS! (what a BOY I have) and putter around in the grass. Today's challenge, getting off the ground with both hands full of rocks, lol. He's figuring this mobility thing out more and more each day.

Myki's First Real Beach Experience

On Sunday I finally made it to one of my good friend Heather Gray's beach BBQ's. It was Myki's 2nd beach experience but he was only a few months old the first time so practically, this was his first time. I was completely prepared for a meltdown of epic proportions. I didn't know if he's like the feel of the sand, if he'd try to eat it, get it in his eye...I had visions of running up the beach to the showers with a screaming baby rubbing his eyes. But to my shock and pleasure, Myki was right at home! He loved the sand, he found some shells, he crawled at breakneck speeds directly to the water, he splashed and laughed and was the all around fearless and happy baby I know him to be. Silly mami for expecting anything less!

Myki in his "Office" after a hard day Outside

I think the picture says it all!