Do I Need to Own a Home?

I am a planner.  Perhaps not a daily planner or a planner of events (in life at least), but a long-term planner.  I often struggle with enjoying the moment because after each accomplishment, I look ahead at accomplishing the next thing.  My singular focus has been professional until recently.  I am currently elated with where I am professionally and hope to be in this position for many years to come.  

And so, naturally, I have started to look ahead at the next accomplishment to be achieved.  Somewhere in the future is a sibling for Myki, someone real so he doesn't need to make-up siblings who live in Asia (yes, this is a real story, made so convincing by my son that his teachers have actually asked me about his siblings).  But more immediately, I've been rolling this idea of home ownership around in my head.  Should we embark on purchasing a home?  It would make the whole sibling discussion much more possible as we currently don't have the space for a family addition, and both my husband and I work from home - another argument for additional space.

I have never been incredibly connected to place though.  Whereas my husband had spent his whole life in Florida until recently, I had lived in six states in my first 23 years.  For a long time, while living in Florida, I had convinced myself that I absolutely needed to live in the DC metro area.  But moving here last year taught me that I didn't need to live here so much as I needed to work at building and maintaining relationships wherever I am.  Feeling isolated is really something I am in control of.  

This leads me back to the home discussion.  If I'm no longer emotionally connected to a particular place and my husband and I both have jobs that allow us to live almost anywhere, should we purchase a home that will keep us in place for at least the next 10 years?  

There are other factors to consider.  Stability is important.  While I may not be connected to place, I think it is important that Myki is, that he has childhood friends who he goes to school with over the years and some kind of consisten extracurriculars like a piano instructor or karate studio.

Owning something, having a positive net worth, is also important.  As a first generation American, I think it is important that I build some volume of wealth, something that can be inherited, borrowed against if need be, sold for a profit.  And paying rent each month is not necessarily a good use of money, especially in an area where renting the square footage we need could easily cost more than a mortgage.  On the other hand, there are so many people under water on their homes, unable to sell homes they can't afford or homes in areas where they don't have professional possibilities.  I definitely don't want to go down that road.

Unfortunately, outlining the pros and cons doesn't get me to a clear answer.  I think the real deal is that it is emotionally important to me that I own a home, purchase a home with my husband for our family to grow and build memories, have sufficient accommodations for family members and friends who want to visit or need a place to stay.  But should such a large financial commitment be made based on my emotional desire for a home?

Looking for some thoughts here - is home ownership important?  Please comment!

Wellness

I always feel fabulous the first few days of a diet.  My body automatically takes to the lowered calories and it's like I instantly lose 15 pounds. My clothes fit better, I look like someone I recognize in the mirror and generally, my energy is pretty high.  It's usually day four or five when I begin to fall off.  It's amazing, or pathetic, how quickly it happens.  And usually, it's just after that first dietary blunder that I go back to feeling like I'm bursting at the seams.  

I have always struggled with my weight - at least in my mind.  I saw a Facebook meme recently that said, "I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat." I have often lamented my college fat levels - they were nonexistent - I was super fly with bumps and lumps in all the right places.  But I really have struggled with it in the last five years.  I somehow crept up over 200 lbs and have maintained that weight.  By struggle, I mean only mentally.  People say they struggle with weight but that's not really an accurate description of what happens - I willfully ignore my weight until I need to get dressed for something important and realize everything is too tight, or I go shopping and pick up a rack of size 14s to try on, only to find I can't get the pants past my thighs or the shirt over my head and I need to go to the plus size section off the store, head lowered in shame.

This is something I would really like to work on.  I have a lot of baggage about the importance of being a healthy mother.  My mother accomplished incredible things professionally but she did so at the expense of her health and always said she did it for her kids, she worked so hard for us.  I was really angry at that statement for a long time - the long-term benefit for us, her children, would have been just a bit more time together, and the peace of mind that comes with having a healthy mother.  At 52, she was knocking on deaths door.  Thankfully she is doing well now, but not without significant health challenges.  As angry as I was at her logic, I have absolutely adopted it as my own.  I will not hesitate to say that I work so hard for my son, to give him experiences and educational opportunities and yes, things. 

But I do this at the expense of my time with him and the energy necessary to take really good care of myself.  

That was a difficult statement to write.  I put work first, almost without exception.  My colleagues and managers would tell you I am one of the hardest working people they know. My husband would say the same.  My son would tell you I work quite a bit and that I am always at work. There are moments when I feel balanced but in the back of my mind, there is the nagging sense that for every accomplished task or mastered arena, there are two things falling through the cracks.  

I've read and written quite a bit about balance in the last few years and have really been obsessed with the idea that I could achieve balance.  I have made incredible strides in that direction and as I go, my definition of balance is changing.  I no longer think it is possible to always feel in balance.  Instead, I think I need to pick the two or three things I will be focusing on and be ok with the fact that the other things will just be maintained in the meantime.  Right now, the three priorities are acclimating to this new job, spending some daily tech and tv free time with Myki and wellness - not weight loss, or exercise per se, but really wellness and ensuring I make it past the four day diet mark this time and maintain this slim and trim feeling.

Traveling

In my current position, I travel quite a bit. When I was hired, I thought that the travel would do me good.  It's an opportunity to spend a periodic night in a hotel, see more of America and spend some quality time with myself.  I am usually rather anxious when left alone with my thoughts - there is always that sense that I should be doing something, catching up on something or with someone. Consequently, my "me" time rarely serves it's purpose.  I usually try to multitask it with something on my to do list, or go deep into panic mode on all that there is too do and why I'm too tired to do any of it.  It just drives me crazy.  

Five business trips in, I am proud to report that the travel is doing me quite a bit of good.  I used to be a great traveler because I did it so much. I packed well, my timing was right and I've never been intimidated by a new place.  During these five trips, it has become painfully clear how out of practice I am.  I forget to pack some things and overpack in other areas.  I'm late or early or just kind of worried about the logistics.  

Surprisingly, these challenges have helped me remember how much I love to travel and how important it is to me that my family and I travel together.  My son is Dominican and black with grandparents from the Dominican Republic, the Deep South and the US Virgin Islands. My husband and I, his parents, grew up in completely different households and are raising him in a home that is very different from either of those.  I want him to not only be comfortable with his mix of roots and cultures, but experience different places and people that will contribute to his worldview.  I believe that the number one thing I can give him as his mother are the experiences and perspective to feel comfortable in his own skin anywhere and in any situation.  Confidence, resilience, flexibility and the humility to appreciate what you have - I think travel can give this to him.

I traveled quite a bit with my family and those memories are my best - long talks with my Dad, dares and adventures with my brother, the joy of seeing something new with people you love and learning things about them that you never would have learned at home.  My current travels are far from exotic - Salt Lake City, St. Louis, Detroit, Oklahoma City, Seattle and Denver - but they are places I've never been before and places I want to see more of.  Most of my prior travels have been international or up and down the East Coast.  There is quite a bit more to this country of ours than I have ever seen, and I am beginning to appreciate that.

I think that has been the largest takeaway for me, the realization that travel doesn't need to be an elaborate international adventure.  It can be an hour's flight away to the Midwest, an 8 hour road trip to the South or a day trip to explore a new corner of the state we live in.

I will keep you posted on where this new definition of adventure takes us and if my husband and son love it as much as I do!