Coke Zero is my Gateway Food

Like most women, I have been struggling to drop my college/baby weight for years! I have these bursts of health and fitness nirvana where I'm eating well, working out, I have energy and most importantly, motivation to keep going. And then like a sugar high, it just disappears and I turn into this bump-on-a-log person who is always curled up on the couch under a blanket and only gets up to see what's in the refrigerator. I usually blame it on some underlying emotional issue - stress, school, the job search, the realities of being wife and mother. But these things are ongoing and who am I kidding, they will always be there and can't be a reason to "let myself go."

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. I fell off the wagon about a month ago after FINALLY breaking the 200 lb barrier that I'd been chasing after. For the first time in almost three years, I weigh less than 200 lbs! Such an achievement should motivate me, not have me binge eating. But I got complacent and after some soul searching, I think Coke Zero was my gateway food. My husband and I are notorious for the sweet tooth - cake, cookies, you name it and we can devour it! But, we had done an excellent job of eliminating sugary beverages. You will never find anything but water and milk in our refrigerator - no juice, no soda. But somehow, Coke Zero made it's way onto the grocery list. I think it was BOGO one day so I grabbed it - Zero Calories, a mini 7.5 oz can - what a great way to satisfy the sweet craving?!

Unfortunately for us, the sweetener in Coke Zero, aspartame, is processed just like sugar. So when you consume it, your body reacts accordingly dispensing insulin and making you feel like you have to eat. Yesterday afternoon, I looked in the fridge with a completely full stomach! I was actively full and searching for food. We had ice cream, cookies and I had just baked a banana, chocolate, coconut loaf (yes, it is delicious). It all smacked me in the face, Coke Zero was my gateway food!

I won't make any unrealistic promises about a new resolve to eat and be healthy. But I will take responsibility for spiraling out of control and falling off the wagon. Here's to a better week and no more Coke Zero at the Fuller House!

Another pearl of wisdom from my one-a-day mommy calendar

I hope that my child
looking back on today
remembers a mother who had time to play.
Children grow up while you
are not looking;
There'll be years ahead for
cleaning and cooking.
So quiet down cobwebs;
dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and
babies don't keep.
- Author Unknown

In my 13 1/2 months as a mother, by far the most overwhelming part for me has been keeping up with the chores. The role of house manager is not one I was raised to fill and when I lived alone, even when it was just Mike and I, messy was ok. Every now and again it got out of control and Mike and I would buckle down and spend a weekend excavating.

But once Myki arrived, clutter and mess became unacceptable. Especially once he started moving around and absolutely anything on the floor was something to taste or trip over. It seems silly I'm sure, but I obsess over how much I hate cleaning and how one-sided the task seems to be.

But this poem says it all. I can plop Myki in his highchair with TV and Cheerios as his companions while I spend hours on the house or I can spend that time with Myki and settle for the reality that my house is not worthy of a Good Housekeeping spread but my son is having a blast!

Photos from Texas

Flowers at the wedding - made by the mother of the bride

Posing for a picture at UT-Austin. It was so gorgeous.

Chuck Taylors at the Texas State Capitol Building

Photo Message from the Babysitters - Myki and his empty lunch bowl

My favorite Austin locale - home of the Texas-sized donut - 5 lbs of deliciousness

Everything is Bigger (Maybe Better?) in Texas

I did it! I cut the cord and let Myki stay in Florida while my Husband and I enjoyed some much-needed adult-only time. I think we agree that there’s no need to make a habit of the separation but, it was healthy and dare I say, fun! So an annual babyless trip might be in our future. It was Mike and I’s first time in Austin, my first time in Texas at all, and we spent four days there in celebration of the union of Jessica Lynd, one of my best friends, and Dante Barros, her Peruvian fiancé who can best be described as one of the warmest and genuine people I’ve ever met.

We arrived in Austin a bit groggy at 11 AM on Thursday and went straight to the hotel to jump on the king size bed and make a game plan for the trip. We headed downtown where I drank my first alcoholic beverage in almost two years; a mango margarita….it was divine. After lunch, we went our separate ways as I headed to the bachelorette party. It was only my second bachelorette party (my own being my first.) Jessica has talked to me about all of her close girlfriends forever and although I’d met some of them briefly and went to school with others, we had never all spent time together. It was actually really wonderful, and especially good timing in my life as my daily interactions are with a 12 month old. I told my husband afterward that I was mutually inspired and intimidated by what all of the bachelorette party attendees had accomplished! Law school, Fulbright Scholars, marriage to the perfect man, working abroad, assisting those who most need it, rubbing elbows with political elite, extensive travel…..it was amazing.

After good conversation and an amazing dinner, we headed to Austin’s 6th Street – the bar and lounge capitol of Texas! On top of not drinking since before being pregnant, I hadn’t been out dancing in something like three years. I never would have imagined years ago that I’d get to the point in my life where dancing was not a regular event. Jess has always danced like no one was watching and that had not changed. I, on the other hand, had trouble moving beyond the bouncing around I do with Myki in my living room. By Saturday’s wedding, I was a bit more loose but as Hannah Barr said, I think I have better moves hiding somewhere within.

Friday morning I headed back to the hotel and despite big plans for the day, I ended up going to sleep and waking up just in time to witness horrendous thunder storms that are NOT conducive to tourism by foot. The rain let up and our little group ventured to Polvo’s Mexican where I gorged myself on some of the best fish tacos I’d ever had…so…much…flavor. I will be trying to recreate them in the coming weeks! And then off to Graham’s Central Station to learn to two-step. Let me tell you that although two-stepping sounds easy, navigating through a roller rink like circle backwards among 100 dancing couples is no easy feat! I am in awe of all the spinning and lack of collisions those authentic cowboys were able to muster.

Saturday brought a homage to the Travel Channel’s Man vs. Food. After wondering around the UT-Austin campus, touring the beautiful State Capitol building and sucking down some 7-Eleven slurpies, Mike and I convinced our entourage to venture almost 40 minutes away to the world famous Salt Lick BBQ, an open pit BBQ restaurant known for its brisket, smoked sausages and pork ribs. These people are serious about their meat! No cornbread or mac and cheese, no fancy cole slaw or sweet baked beans….just some simple sides and bread so you didn’t have to eat the meat alone. It was definitely not what I expected but so delicious!

After rolling out of the Salt Lick, we headed to Round Rock donuts, another world famous locale and home to the Texas-sized donut – a handmade donut in the Texas tradition and literally weighing 5 lbs! They were warm when we got them and quite literally melted in your mouth. Saturday, July 3, 2010 was most definitely a day that will go down in my personal culinary history books! I think I ate more food on this day than I ever had before…and it was all delicious.

After a mad dash back to the hotel and the fastest showers in history, we finally arrived at the main event! The mere sight of the venue knocked the wind out of me. It was so beautiful and the thought and effort that went into every detail were amazing. The guestbook, the flowers, the fans, the seating arrangement, the ceremony, the lighting of the candles, the music and dancing, the dress, oh my god, the dress. I was absolutely in awe of the entire thing and felt so honored to be a part of it. The tears came, of course, but I regained control of myself. It was amazing.

I completely identified with Ellie when she said that compared to this, her wedding was like candy corn, like bracelets you could eat. When I got married, I just couldn’t have fathomed making so many different components happen. I mean, amazing, it’s really all I can say.

I am sure Jess and Dante have an incredible, adventurous, loving and successful journey ahead of them. And reflecting back on this weekend, I am thankful to have witnessed their union and for all of the benefits I reaped from my time in Austin. I reconnected with my husband, commiserated with an incredible group of women, realized that I will not disintegrate if I leave Myki’s side…I was inspired to move out of my comfort zone – maybe I should go to law school, relocate to Texas, get my Ph.D. at UT-Austin, really try to get into the Foreign Service and most definitely, go dancing on a regular basis.

June 2010 Was a Trip!

I can't beleive I almost let the entire month of June pass by without a post. June was a month full of events and milestones.

June 5 - Myki's First Birthday, Grandma German's arrival and 8 Hours of Economics at UM
June 6 - Myki's First Birthday Pool Party
June 11 - Arrival of Godmother Extraordinaire Stacy
June 12 - Economics Final and Nephew Lion's 4th Birthday Extravaganza at the Palm Beach Zoo
June 13 - Myki's Baptism in Port St. Lucie at Grandma Fuller's Church
June 14 - 15 - Orlando with Madrina Stacy and Bebo
June 20 - Mike's 2nd Father's Day! and Myki's 1st Haircut care of Daddy and Grandpa
June 23 - Michael I, II and III get together for a photo shoot!

and it's not over yet folks!

Be Careful What you Wish For

When I had my son, I wanted more than anything to be a stay at home mom. I never viewed myself as that kind of person but even when I was pregnant, I just knew that nothing I had to do outside of the home would be as important as him. Everyone told me that knowing me, I'd be miserable at home. That I was such a hard worker and I enjoyed work and I'd be bored.

I didn't think I'd be bored. I thought I'd pour all of that organization and work ethic into my days with Myki. We'd have a schedule better than any daycare. We'd go outside and explore nature, go to play groups, have musical instruments at home to have concerts with. We'd do art projects and science experiments and go the whole day without the TV on! (imagine!) We'd eat healthy balanced meals and have nap time at the same time each day. And while he was napping, I'd clean and catch up on laundry and emails and just have the perfect home and balance. I would be the best damn stay at home mom ever!

I am on Week 3 of this utopia I had wished for and let me tell you, it's not the picnic I'd envisioned. I know, you told me so! But my challenges are not the ones everyone envisioned I'd have. I'm far from bored, I'm elated to be home! But I'm still living in that state of overwhelmed that I've been unable to shake since Myki was born.

I didn't wash my face or brush my teeth today until 10:30 AM! What is that? There are piles of laundry in my bedroom, the floors need to be mopped, the bathroom, ugh, the bathroom, I have a sink full of dirty dishes and Myki is in the t-shirt he slept in because I haven't managed to bathe him yet. He passed out at 10:30 after a particularly difficult morning and I felt complete relief.

Since Myki was born, I've said breastfeeding was the hardest thing I'd ever done. But I change my mind. Being a stay-at-home mom while looking for work, trying to start a business and be a wife is the most difficult thing I've ever done. It feels impossible to keep my day consistent and structured. Each day I have goals for my schedule, my activities with Myki, apply or follow up on job opportunities, get a,b AND c done for my new business idea and clean! And in three weeks, I've met all of those goals maybe once.

I know that there are mami's out there who are not so overwhelmed with it all. They can manage everything and they look great while doing it. What's the secret?

My sister-in-law says it's all a farce. No one can have and do it all. But I can't even manage to make it LOOK like I'm doing it all. The past few days I wonder how I even had time to go to work?!?!

The problem with setting very high expectations is that, if you fall short, it's easy to focus on the failure versus focusing on how close you came and working to do better next time. So here I go, trying to get closer to the bar, onto the goals of the day!

It's easier to do so having been able to unload my rants here. Thanks for reading!

Our Daily Routine

A snapshot of our daily "routine." I put routine in quotes because I have never been good at routines (diets, working out, planning the work and working the plan), at least not in my personal life. I'm a hell of worker when it comes to working for other people. There's probably something to that.

So everyday I try to adhere to a plan - we'll wake up, breakfast, go for a walk, come home and play, eat, sleep, eat again, watch a movie/tv show, head outside for another 15 minutes of running around and free play until dinner, dinner, bath, bedtime routine and sleep. But meals and naptime never seem to be at the same time each day and my morning walks have gone from consistent, to short, to option in just a week and a half!

But Myki ensures that no matter WHAT our day looks like, we head outside. He starts pacing the living room from the front to the door, jiggle the handle, bang on it, turn around, repeat. So at least once a day, but usually twice, we head outide, if only just outside the door, so he can collect his absolute favorite thing, ROCKS! (what a BOY I have) and putter around in the grass. Today's challenge, getting off the ground with both hands full of rocks, lol. He's figuring this mobility thing out more and more each day.

Myki's First Real Beach Experience

On Sunday I finally made it to one of my good friend Heather Gray's beach BBQ's. It was Myki's 2nd beach experience but he was only a few months old the first time so practically, this was his first time. I was completely prepared for a meltdown of epic proportions. I didn't know if he's like the feel of the sand, if he'd try to eat it, get it in his eye...I had visions of running up the beach to the showers with a screaming baby rubbing his eyes. But to my shock and pleasure, Myki was right at home! He loved the sand, he found some shells, he crawled at breakneck speeds directly to the water, he splashed and laughed and was the all around fearless and happy baby I know him to be. Silly mami for expecting anything less!

Myki in his "Office" after a hard day Outside

I think the picture says it all!

There is a Silver Lining

I hadn't even had a chance to write about my new gig before it was over. After three years at Best Buddies, with various levels of frustration, I finally dedicated myself 100% to finding a new opportunity. It seemed like the dream job - a 20% salary increase, no travel, and working for a cause I was passionate about - the American Diabetes Association. Diabetes is an epidemic, a completely preventable (in the case of Type 2) epidemic. My mom is blind, my uncle an amputee, my father-in-law suffers from bleeding in his eyes, another aunt and uncle, insulin dependent, my husband and I, overweight! If I was going to be away from Myki, what better thing to do than work to improve his future, to help bring reality to a world free from diabetes.

Unfortunately, it wasn't all I'd hoped it would be. The Miami office is in Doral, quite a commute from my Pompano Beach home and they are going through their own growing pains and transition: no real leadership for years, falling short of budget, a complete lack of office procedures and a clique that was hard to penetrate. So in the words of my boss, it wasn't the right fit.

I should have cried, kicked and screamed, told them to fuck off! But I just said thank you and good luck and gathered my things. I think she was right, it wasn't the right fit. I'm sure she and I would disagree on why, but that doesn't really matter. So for the first time in my working career, I find myself unemployed. The instinct is to panic. We have a son, bills, no significant savings account, more bills. And although I've had moments of weakness, moments of whoa is me, I'm trying to keep my head up.

My friends and family have helped, presenting me with incredible support and silver lining proposals:

- God has something bigger in mind for you.
- Good riddance, who wants to be aggravated every day
- It has nothing to do with you, you know that.

So I'm going to take my time, find that perfect opportunity - near home, good pay, security. And while I'm searching, I'll be able to focus on the important things that have fallen to the wayside....the 30 lbs I need to loose to be below my at-risk weight for diabetes, reading books to my son, maintaining a clean and safe home for my family, calling my relatives, sending email updates to the world, being the best, mother, wife, sister, daughter, in-law, friend I can be and hopefully, writing in my blog! Hopefully I haven't lost all of my audience.