June 2010 Was a Trip!

I can't beleive I almost let the entire month of June pass by without a post. June was a month full of events and milestones.

June 5 - Myki's First Birthday, Grandma German's arrival and 8 Hours of Economics at UM
June 6 - Myki's First Birthday Pool Party
June 11 - Arrival of Godmother Extraordinaire Stacy
June 12 - Economics Final and Nephew Lion's 4th Birthday Extravaganza at the Palm Beach Zoo
June 13 - Myki's Baptism in Port St. Lucie at Grandma Fuller's Church
June 14 - 15 - Orlando with Madrina Stacy and Bebo
June 20 - Mike's 2nd Father's Day! and Myki's 1st Haircut care of Daddy and Grandpa
June 23 - Michael I, II and III get together for a photo shoot!

and it's not over yet folks!

Be Careful What you Wish For

When I had my son, I wanted more than anything to be a stay at home mom. I never viewed myself as that kind of person but even when I was pregnant, I just knew that nothing I had to do outside of the home would be as important as him. Everyone told me that knowing me, I'd be miserable at home. That I was such a hard worker and I enjoyed work and I'd be bored.

I didn't think I'd be bored. I thought I'd pour all of that organization and work ethic into my days with Myki. We'd have a schedule better than any daycare. We'd go outside and explore nature, go to play groups, have musical instruments at home to have concerts with. We'd do art projects and science experiments and go the whole day without the TV on! (imagine!) We'd eat healthy balanced meals and have nap time at the same time each day. And while he was napping, I'd clean and catch up on laundry and emails and just have the perfect home and balance. I would be the best damn stay at home mom ever!

I am on Week 3 of this utopia I had wished for and let me tell you, it's not the picnic I'd envisioned. I know, you told me so! But my challenges are not the ones everyone envisioned I'd have. I'm far from bored, I'm elated to be home! But I'm still living in that state of overwhelmed that I've been unable to shake since Myki was born.

I didn't wash my face or brush my teeth today until 10:30 AM! What is that? There are piles of laundry in my bedroom, the floors need to be mopped, the bathroom, ugh, the bathroom, I have a sink full of dirty dishes and Myki is in the t-shirt he slept in because I haven't managed to bathe him yet. He passed out at 10:30 after a particularly difficult morning and I felt complete relief.

Since Myki was born, I've said breastfeeding was the hardest thing I'd ever done. But I change my mind. Being a stay-at-home mom while looking for work, trying to start a business and be a wife is the most difficult thing I've ever done. It feels impossible to keep my day consistent and structured. Each day I have goals for my schedule, my activities with Myki, apply or follow up on job opportunities, get a,b AND c done for my new business idea and clean! And in three weeks, I've met all of those goals maybe once.

I know that there are mami's out there who are not so overwhelmed with it all. They can manage everything and they look great while doing it. What's the secret?

My sister-in-law says it's all a farce. No one can have and do it all. But I can't even manage to make it LOOK like I'm doing it all. The past few days I wonder how I even had time to go to work?!?!

The problem with setting very high expectations is that, if you fall short, it's easy to focus on the failure versus focusing on how close you came and working to do better next time. So here I go, trying to get closer to the bar, onto the goals of the day!

It's easier to do so having been able to unload my rants here. Thanks for reading!

Our Daily Routine

A snapshot of our daily "routine." I put routine in quotes because I have never been good at routines (diets, working out, planning the work and working the plan), at least not in my personal life. I'm a hell of worker when it comes to working for other people. There's probably something to that.

So everyday I try to adhere to a plan - we'll wake up, breakfast, go for a walk, come home and play, eat, sleep, eat again, watch a movie/tv show, head outside for another 15 minutes of running around and free play until dinner, dinner, bath, bedtime routine and sleep. But meals and naptime never seem to be at the same time each day and my morning walks have gone from consistent, to short, to option in just a week and a half!

But Myki ensures that no matter WHAT our day looks like, we head outside. He starts pacing the living room from the front to the door, jiggle the handle, bang on it, turn around, repeat. So at least once a day, but usually twice, we head outide, if only just outside the door, so he can collect his absolute favorite thing, ROCKS! (what a BOY I have) and putter around in the grass. Today's challenge, getting off the ground with both hands full of rocks, lol. He's figuring this mobility thing out more and more each day.

Myki's First Real Beach Experience

On Sunday I finally made it to one of my good friend Heather Gray's beach BBQ's. It was Myki's 2nd beach experience but he was only a few months old the first time so practically, this was his first time. I was completely prepared for a meltdown of epic proportions. I didn't know if he's like the feel of the sand, if he'd try to eat it, get it in his eye...I had visions of running up the beach to the showers with a screaming baby rubbing his eyes. But to my shock and pleasure, Myki was right at home! He loved the sand, he found some shells, he crawled at breakneck speeds directly to the water, he splashed and laughed and was the all around fearless and happy baby I know him to be. Silly mami for expecting anything less!

Myki in his "Office" after a hard day Outside

I think the picture says it all!

There is a Silver Lining

I hadn't even had a chance to write about my new gig before it was over. After three years at Best Buddies, with various levels of frustration, I finally dedicated myself 100% to finding a new opportunity. It seemed like the dream job - a 20% salary increase, no travel, and working for a cause I was passionate about - the American Diabetes Association. Diabetes is an epidemic, a completely preventable (in the case of Type 2) epidemic. My mom is blind, my uncle an amputee, my father-in-law suffers from bleeding in his eyes, another aunt and uncle, insulin dependent, my husband and I, overweight! If I was going to be away from Myki, what better thing to do than work to improve his future, to help bring reality to a world free from diabetes.

Unfortunately, it wasn't all I'd hoped it would be. The Miami office is in Doral, quite a commute from my Pompano Beach home and they are going through their own growing pains and transition: no real leadership for years, falling short of budget, a complete lack of office procedures and a clique that was hard to penetrate. So in the words of my boss, it wasn't the right fit.

I should have cried, kicked and screamed, told them to fuck off! But I just said thank you and good luck and gathered my things. I think she was right, it wasn't the right fit. I'm sure she and I would disagree on why, but that doesn't really matter. So for the first time in my working career, I find myself unemployed. The instinct is to panic. We have a son, bills, no significant savings account, more bills. And although I've had moments of weakness, moments of whoa is me, I'm trying to keep my head up.

My friends and family have helped, presenting me with incredible support and silver lining proposals:

- God has something bigger in mind for you.
- Good riddance, who wants to be aggravated every day
- It has nothing to do with you, you know that.

So I'm going to take my time, find that perfect opportunity - near home, good pay, security. And while I'm searching, I'll be able to focus on the important things that have fallen to the wayside....the 30 lbs I need to loose to be below my at-risk weight for diabetes, reading books to my son, maintaining a clean and safe home for my family, calling my relatives, sending email updates to the world, being the best, mother, wife, sister, daughter, in-law, friend I can be and hopefully, writing in my blog! Hopefully I haven't lost all of my audience.

The American Way

Jacquelynne Powers, of the Miami NewTimes, pointed out some grease-laden irony in a recent blog post: From now until May 23, KFC is launching Buckets For The Cure with the Susan G. Komen for the Cure, which promotes breast cancer awareness. The fast-food outlet will donate 50 cents for every pink bucket of chicken, with the ultimate goal of raising $8.5 million dollars. All of this sounds very admirable...until you look at KFC's other newsworthy launch this week.They introduced the world to the Double Down "sandwich": an artery-clogging extravaganza that replaces buns with deep-fried chicken filets, with melted cheese and bacon strips in between. It has 540 calories, 32 grams of fat and 1,380 milligrams of sodium. So the Colonel is raising money for cancer while selling food that increases the risk of diabetes, heart attacks and all manner of other health problems.Maybe ironic isn't the best word. Hypocrisy might be a better fit.
From Slashfood Tweets
www.slashfood.com

Wal-Mart

Intellectually, I know that Wal-Mart is evil, that although everything is cheaper, it comes at a cost. And when I first moved to Florida, I did not shop there. My husband was adamant that we would not support Wal-Mart, no matter what. But as a Mami, I have to say that Wal-Mart has persuaded me to look the other way at their questionable practices. I'm not proud of that fact, and I wish it weren't so, but it is the truth.

First, as everyone knows, mother or not, babies are freaking expensive! And when you've only go double digits in the bank account and need a laundry list of things, it only makes sense to hit up the local Wal-Mart.

Their latest invention for moms is INGENIOUS! Check out this little seat. Usually, if you go out with Baby, you pretty much have to count on not being able to pee, praying the shopping cart fits in the family bathroom or, when desperate, using the bathroom while holding baby on your lap. Do you have any idea how hard it is to hover, hold and control a 10 month old with just one hand and ensure he doesn't touch anything gross in a public restroom? I was in Wal-Mart for some weekly necessities and had to go so badly. Tried to bring the cart in - wouldn't fit. Fine, I guess I'll hold him. Well pop into the family stall and there it is. It was strategically out of reach of anything gross, had a belt that held his shoulders in place and he actually seemed to enjoy the thing very much! Amazing. I hate to say it but kudos to Wal-Mart.

Highlights from my One-A-Day Mommy Calendar

"In the final analysis, it is not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings."
- Ann Landers

"Your child is unaware that you serve on two community boards, work 30 hours a week, and volunteer at the animal shelter every other weekend. She is acutely aware, however, that you swear when you drive by a police car, wear your pajamas to walk her to the bus stop , and don't always pick up the phone when you see that your mother is calling."
- an important point for a mom who works 40 hours a week, commutes 10 hours a week, goes to school 8 hours a week and is involved in both the grad and undergrad chapters of her sorority...

Nostalgia

Brushing my teeth!

Whew...what a whirlwind it's been since the 5 month update. Since then, Myki has grown and GROWN! He is walking with support, pushing anything that moves through our living room (see below). He has FIVE teeth! And last week, we started brushing them! He gets a kick out of that. He is literally off the charts in height at 32" and in the 90th percentile in weight at 23 lbs. The height we were expecting but he's so lean....who knew the child of voluptious and robust would be so skinny.

Myki turns 9 months next week. This time has flown by so quickly. My best friend just had a baby last week...Christian James. And she sent me pictures of his birthday...those first groggy moments when they bring you the baby, he lays on your chest, you just breathe him in...he looks at you serenly. Ugh it was so bittersweet...I was so happy for her, happy that she had opened that door in her life and just so nostalgic for those moments with Myki. As amazing as it is to see him grow, it is sad to know I won't ever have those moments back...