Sunday, February 8, 2009

Making our House a Home

This weekend was such a productive one in terms of getting the new place together.  I think it's safe to say all of the boxes are unpacked.  We have a couple boxes by the door waiting for a trip to Goodwill, some organization to be done, pictures to hang on the walls and a baby room that currently only has a crib and futon in it (yes, it will double as a guest room).   But our little house (condo) is definitely becoming a home and I am so excited!

Here, a blog entry I wrote (hand written) before we had Internet when we first moved last weekend.  I think it fully expresses my excitement at our new place.  

PS - Once everything is hung, pictures to come.

THE LITTLE THINGS  1.31.09

We completed our much anticipated move this past weekend....this past week I should say since Mike has been transporting things all week.  I am so physically drained, I can't even explain.  It's a different type of tired than I've ever been because although nothing but my feet actually hurts, every single movement seems to require more energy than I can muster.  I have officially graduated from getting up to literally heaving myself from sitting to standing or laying down (my preferred state).  But despite my exhaustion, I am so happy with the little things at this new place.

First, I have a laundry room!  Life without a washer and dryer has been nothing short of excruciating, not to mention smelly.  My standard of cleanliness decreased out of, I hate to admit it, laziness.  Instead of making that dreaded trip to the laundromat, I just bought more underwear, sprayed a little Febreeze and spot-cleaned as needed on the rest.  I never though I could stoop so low.  But in 24 hours of this new apartment, I have done 10 loads of laundry!  The things we take for granted...

Another of life's conveniences that I was missing out on...a dishwasher.  Yes, we really went back to basics in Miami.  So everything...and I mean everything we own that can be washed in the dishwasher has been.  And I finally feel like it's all clean.  Hopefully this will alleviate the dirty dish-filled sink syndrome I formerly suffered from.

But the piece de resistance (Sp?) of it all is our master suite.  OK, maybe it's not quire a suite but I really do love it.  I anticipate many hours here in the months to come.  We have a bed, a bed that I can sit on and my feet don't touch the floor.  And a dresser, something I haven't had since my days in Maryland, and wasn't sure I would get again since my husband doesn't believe in dressers (Crazy I know.)  There's a walk-in closet and a pocket door in a bathroom that seems so much larger than our last one (I hate pedestal sinks by the way).  And the part that really tops it all off?  A recliner!  My future nursing chair, the recliner with it's soft microfiber, soothing rocking motions and calm camel color, currently serve as a retreat in the corner of our room.  A place where I can sit and ponder, write and read and listen to my heart's content.  I'm convinced it's the best money I've ever spent.

So despite my longer commute into Miami, our little home in Pompano has already proven worth the sacrifice.  


Friday, February 6, 2009

25 Random Things - Ripped off from my Facebook page

OK, I know I'm pretty late jumping on the bandwagon but, it's not my fault, I'm pregnant - I move slower. I absolutely LOVE reading these lists so they've inspired me to write my own. So here goes...

1. I am an exhibitionist at heart. If my husband allowed me (he's paranoid about people seeing through the windows), I'd walk around naked every moment I was in my house. Yes, even with my preggo belly.

2. I have a phobia about people not liking me....it's bad, as if I were in high school - I hate not being the cool kid.

3. I'm going to have my MBA by the time my baby's 3 years old - MBA or bust!

4. My goal is to have a job that allows me to take personal trips at least every 3 months - DR, NY, Bolivia, Hawaii, Italy, Washington DC (MD and VA too!), NJ, Penn State, St. Thomas, Tallahassee - I have a lot of people I want to see.

5. I really don't like the phone. Hence #4, I really appreciate face time.

6. I aspire to be Julia Alvarez - I will one day write a book about the first generation experience. My blog is the start to my writing career and it makes me feel good. (Shameless plug: mrspamelafuller.blogspot.com - READ IT!)

7. I feel constant guilt (thanks mom!) over my family and the fact that I'm not with them more. I wish all of my siblings and my parents could live on a compound here in Florida. And I wish I had the wherewithal to keep in touch with all of my aunts and cousins via phone (I should work on #5)

8. I have a habit of saying whatever I want and over commenting on things. My husband thinks it’s a little obnoxious, my friend Heather tells me I’m all knowing....it works for some people and not for others.

9. I, like Julie, sometimes look homeless. I don’t know why but I just can’t get myself together some days....and it’s getting harder now that nothing fits and it’s stupidly cold in Miami.

10. It is my fantasy to have the money to get my hair done each week – this would probably help with the homeless look.

11. I love magazines – I’m such a sucker for subscription offers.

12. My friend Jenn and I have known each other since stretch pants and afros – yes, our moms put us in stretch pants and yes, neither of our moms really knew how to do hair.

13. I didn’t learn fluent Spanish until I was 13 – my Mom didn’t want me to have an accent and my Dad lost the battle. So now that I do speak Spanish, it’s not great, which I’m ashamed of.

14. I really want my baby to be fluent in Spanish – like not start speaking english until Kindergarten.

15. I don’t believe in cubicles – what would psychologists say about cramming 10 people together in a square, not giving them windows, having them work under florescent lights and in my case, letting people have meetings and phone conferences as loud as they’d like? How are those factors supposed to lead to increased productivity?

16. I believe I have a mild case of ADD – probably why cubicles bother me so much.

17. People laugh at me when I say this but I could eat pancakes everyday for at least 2 of my meals. I don’t think they think I’m being serious, but I really am.

18. I miss my friends – A LOT.

19. I dream of living abroad someday, at least for a year.

20. I could watch trashy reality TV shows all day. And when my husband works on Saturdays, I’ve done it.

21. I’ve never been to a strip club and I’d like to see one.

22. I think my husband is the funniest person in the world....really, the funniest.

23. My husband used to call me concretia (like concrete) because when we met, I was so “hard” and according to him, heartless. But I’m actually really sensitive and I love him so much that my feelings get hurt on a weekly basis. (This used to be daily though – so I guess I’m toughening up, living up to my name!)

24. My friend Sasha says she wants me to narrate her life – I get such a kick out of that!

25. When I moved to Florida, I was sure it was temporary but now my mom is planning to move down here and I’m having a baby so....I’m pretty sure I’m here for the long haul.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Over the Hump

Tomorrow marks the start of my 21st week of pregnancy.  I have officially completed half of my preggo-hood and am ecstatic to have only 19 weeks to go (maybe less if Baby keeps growing this way.)  As good a pregnancy as I think I've had, I really can't wait for this part of the cycle to be over and to finally have baby Fuller become a reality.

In the last weeks, we've had our mid-way sonogram.  It was amazing to see little legs and little arms, a butterfly heart and big round head, even a facial profile.   We held strong and didn't ask to see the gender of the baby...much to the dismay of all of my girlfriends who are eagerly awaiting the verdict.  It's funny how all of the women think waiting on the gender is the stupidest thing since...well, since something stupid...and men think it's the thing to do.  

Mike hasn't really weighed in on the great gender debate recently but everyone else has.  My sister-in-law has said it's a girl.  And everyone else is rooting for the boy.  Aunt Sharon has specifically requested a fat, healthy, Michael James Fuller III to keep the name alive. Litz at work says I look like I'm carrying a boy.  Vicky agrees and Dahlia says that she just pictures me with a boy.  I caught myself falling into the trap - referring to the baby as he and talking about his movements and how he looked in the sonogram.  But most recently I've been rooting for the girl - the underdog.  

Whatever the gender, Baby Fuller is growing big and strong.  Apparently she'll be a gymnast because she spends all day boppin around in my stomach...luckily they're still kind of light jabs and flips.  And according to the latest sonogram, he's 13 ounces, a week ahead of schedule.  And in the last two weeks, my tummy has just popped out.  Mike says this probably isn't the half of how big I'll get.  I told my friend Mayra that I've had to heave myself around most recently and I fear that by 9 months, I'll be wheel chair bound! 

Here's to being over the hump!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inauguration Day!


As Barack Obama put his hand on the bible today, my eyes filled with tears. I've been pretty even keeled about Barack since he won the election. I am amazed that he won, proud and so excited that my baby will be born into a United States led by a black man, by someone who looks like him or her. At the same time, I understand the challenges he faces and the fact that his triumphs will probobly come slowly....it will take as long to mend the issues of the United States as it took to create them. But I think we've done a good job of selecting someone who will start to build this country back up. I was surprised at how emotional it was too watch, how despite my best efforts, I got caught in the wave - the hope and promise that that oath has brought to our nation.




The best part of all of it was how celebratory everyone was. I don't think I've ever watched a Presidential inauguration before but today, the world stopped to take notice at "The Moment." I loved Saturdays concert, I loved today's crowds, the tears and cheers that echoed across the capitol and I really, really loved Rev. Joseph Lowry's benediction.




He reminded me of my choir days and refreshed words that are perfect for the repoirtoire of lullabys I will soon need. He spoke to the gravity of today in a language so many could understand and spoke to my growing spirituality.




But of course, my favorite part:




"Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around ... when yellow will be mellow ... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen."




Monday, January 19, 2009

Cankles

It is official, I have cankles. This weekend we took a long overdue trip to Tallahassee. Mike’s family lives there – his grandmother and the majority of his aunts and cousins on his father’s side – the Fuller clan. I really love family trips and think it’s important, especially with the baby on the way, that we get used to taking the drive up there. We can’t claim the expense because the drive to Tally is nothing compared to the cost of flights to some of the other family hot spots – St. Thomas, Dominican Republic, New York – and we can always hop a ride with Mike’s parents when they head up here. So after much lobbying on my part, we finally made it. And had a good time I might add. The house was full of babies I could practice with and spending time with Mike's family was great. You learn so much about people when you spend time with their families....all of the sudden, things they've said or reactions they've had to things make perfect sense...in a good way.


It’s kind of unfortunate that the trip waited until I was pregnant though. I have said over and over again (knock on wood) that my pregnancy has been a blessed one. I have yet to “get sick” or need a sick day due to the pregnancy. I’m a little achy, a little tired, but nothing compared to the stories I’ve heard. So the drive was fine and honestly not as long as I’d expected. But I think for any growing belly, the swollen ankles are something impossible to avoid. So when we arrived in Tallahassee and I put my feet up on Mike’s lap….I looked down perplexed at what looked to be two sprained ankles. “Honey, look at my ankles, they disappeared.” “That’s ‘cause your fat” Mike replied. He was just kidding, and I knew that, but my pride was a little hurt. He recovered quickly, “no just kidding honey, you’re beautiful, your ankles look fine.” But my extra lb’s have just recently been hitting some sort of self esteem nerve. I’m just waiting for that next month; hopefully the baby bump pops out soon so I can justify how rotund I feel. :-)

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Truly Blessed

Baby Fuller started kicking this week!  I really couldn't believe it.  At first it felt like gas.  All of the baby books and preggo email alerts warn you that that's what it will feel like but you don't believe them.  I thought, I would definitely know the difference between gas and MY BABY!  But I really didn't...not at first.  And then it got more distinct and closer together and I knew it was something else.  It's so fantastic.  

Everyone says that the little flutterings and jabs that I feel are nothing, that this turns into full-fledged abuse at some point and you can feel things like the baby doing a complete flip.  Although I'm dying to get that close to d-day, I am definitely relishing the small pleasures that the baby gives me these days.

We have also started accumulating baby things already....I'm not even 5 months along and we have a crib, a bassinet, a car seat, a bath tub and an assortment of designer clothes direct from Peru (thank you Jessica and Dante)! Mike is concerned that I'm too caught up in all the baby stuff and since "broke" is our middle name (true of most 24 yr olds), I think he worries that I'll be upset if we can't afford all the stuff.  But at this point all I require are pampers and baby wipes and I think our baby will have more than enough.  I really feel blessed at the out pour of love that baby fuller has already received.

I guess a part of me is even surprised.  I've spent the last few years in something of an emotional roller coaster.  Senior year in college was filled with my mom's illness and the balance of doing what I needed to do for her and graduating.  After graduation, my life consisted of counting the days between visits with my beloved all the way in Florida until I finally moved to Florida in March of 2007.  And since then, I've been working to find my niche here.  I planned a wedding and have been lucky enough to travel to California, Boston and Washington for work.  But in the process, I lost touch.  I didn't keep up on emails and was even worse with phone calls.  I've been working at it slowly but surely and am relieved and again, blessed, that my loved ones have been patient with me and keep loving me despite my flaws.

Oh blessed baby, how happy you make me.  It's been quite some time since I've looked at the world through these rose-colored glasses.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Being Pregnant

Being pregnant is so much fun. I've yet to have any major pains or hurdles. People ask me about how I'm feeling, cravings, etc. I'm just hungry, in general, and tired, in general....two things that aren't much different from my life before pregnancy.

I guess the biggest changes have been 1. my body - the big, well, even bigger bust, the growing belly, aches and pains, and an ever accelerated heart rate and 2. my focus. I am a woman obsessed. I eat, sleep and breath pregnancy. I read everything I can get my hands on, I daydream about what the next five months have to offer and the next 18 years after that. I relate absolutely everything to this future being growing inside me. In the last week, I've researched life insurance, disability insurance, Lamaze classes, Florida's Prepaid College Plan, choosing a Godmother, breastfeeding seminars and support groups, created a baby registry and fantasized about making my five year old pancakes on Sunday mornings. Absolutely every conversation about just about anything can turn into a conversation about Baby Fuller and I've tried to be careful not to overstay the welcome of my baby talk. I think my husband will tell you I haven't really succeeded in curbing my enthusiasm.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Reflections

Happy New Year! Today, quite appropriately, I am spending the day at my sister-in-law's house. She lives in the neighborhood in Pompano where Mike and I are moving on Feb 1st. A next step in creating a supportive environment for our growing family. With Auntie Agee to babysit and make sure I don't loose my mind and three cousins to play with, I think Baby Fuller has much to look forward to.

Driving here this morning was interesting. Pompano really isn't that far from Miami...30 minutes on the highway. But it's so different. So suburban. Part of me wishes I'd asked for a GPS for Christmas so I could find my way around. I literally don't know how to get to even the grocery store from here. But it's much more of a community, which I think will help in the long run. And as always, it's part of my new year's resolution to get in some kind of shape so I am hopeful about swimming in the pool and using the tennis and basketball courts, walking trails and the gym.

I should mention that Agee doesn't have cable but she does have a washer and dryer, something Mike and I are missing in our current place. So I'm spending my day in reflection, doing laundry, exploring websites on the Internet and thinking about what the New Year will bring. I probably would have spent the entire day glued to the TV watching reruns of Law and Order, House and all of the variations of CSI had I not come to Pompano today. So, as much as I was dreading no cable, I think it's for the best.

In my travels through cyberspace, I came across Julia Alvarez's website - via a high school friends facebook page (yes, I'm addicted). I feel like Julia is a good friend. My Dad introduced us when I was 10 with a copy of How the Garcia Girls Lost their Accents followed by In the Time of the Butterflies. We have been faithful friends since. She has channeled my emotions from adolescence to adulthood - I have read my thoughts in !YO! and In the Name of Salome, reading every word published. I've grown to idolize Julia. I want to visit her home in Vermont, her farm in Dominican Republic and take one of her classes at Middlebury. But for the moment, I settle for her words.

I've read her biography many times before but reading it today was a little different. I guess it depends what I'm thinking and going through. It made me smile to think her first book wasn't published until she was 41. It means I still have time....it means it's ok that I want to be like her when I grow up and maybe even, that it's possible.

I share her bio with you here:


About Julia Alvarez

I guess the first thing I should say is that I was not born in the Dominican Republic. The flap bio on García Girls mentioned I was raised in the D.R., and a lot of bios after that changed raised to born, and soon I was getting calls from my mother.

I was born in New York City during my parents' first and failed stay in the United States. When I was three months old, my parents, both native Dominicans, decided to return to their homeland, preferring the dictatorship of Trujillo to the U.S.A. of the early 50s. Once again, my father got involved in the underground and soon my family was in deep trouble. We left hurriedly in 1960, three months before the founders of that underground, the Mirabal sisters, were brutally murdered by the dictatorship (see In the Time of the Butterflies).

It's not like I didn't know some English at ten when we landed in New York City. But classroom English, heavily laced with Spanish, did not prepare me for the "barbaric yawp" of American English -- as Whitman calls it. I couldn't tell where one word ended and another began. I did pick up enough English to understand that some classmates were not very welcoming. Spic! a group of bullies yelled at me in the playground. Mami insisted that the kids were saying, Speak! And then she wonders where my storytelling genes come from.

When I'm asked what made me into a writer, I point to the watershed experience of coming to this country. Not understanding the language, I had to pay close attention to each word -- great training for a writer. I also discovered the welcoming world of the imagination and books. There, I sunk my new roots. Of course, autobiographies are written afterwards. Talk to my tías in the D.R. and they'll tell you I was making up stuff way before I ever set foot in the United States of America. (And getting punished for it, too. Lying, they called it back then.) But they're right. As a kid, I loved stories, hearing them, telling them. Since ours was an oral culture, stories were not written down. It took coming to this country for reading and writing to become allied in my mind with storytelling.

All through high school and college and then a graduate program in creative writing -- you can get all the dry facts in my attached resume -- I was a driven soul. I knew that I wanted to be a writer. But it was the late sixties, early seventies. Afro-American writers were just beginning to gain admission into the canon. Latino literature or writers were unheard of. Writing which focused on the lives of non-white, non mainstream characters was considered of ethnic interest only, the province of sociology. But I kept writing, knowing that this was what was in me to do.
Of course, I had to earn a living. That's how I fell into teaching, mostly creative writing, which I loved doing. For years, I traveled across the country with poetry-in-the-schools programs, working until the funds dried up in one district, and then I'd move on to the next gig. After five years of being a migrant writer, I decided to put down roots and began teaching at the high school level, moving on to college teaching, and finally, on the strength of some publications in small magazines and a couple of writing prizes, I landed a tenure-track job.

1991 was a big year. I earned tenure at Middlebury College and published my first novel, How The García Girls Lost Their Accents. My gutsy agent, Susan Bergholz, found a small press, Algonquin Books, and a wonderful editor, Shannon Ravenel, willing to give "a new voice" a chance. I was forty-one with twenty-plus years of writing behind me. I often mention this to student writers who are discouraged at nineteen when they don't have a book contract!
With the success of García Girls, I suddenly had the chance to be what I always wanted to be: a writer who earned her living at writing. But I'd also fallen in love with the classroom. I toiled and troubled about what to do. After several years of asking for semester leaves, I gave up my tenured post. Middlebury College kindly invited me to stay on as a writer-in-residence, advising students, teaching a course from time to time, giving readings.

So here I am living in the tropical Champlain Valley. (That's the way folks in the Northeast Kingdom refer to this part of Vermont!) I'm happily settled down with my compañero, Bill Eichner, on eleven acres which Bill farms, growing most of our vegetables and greens and apples and potatoes and even Asian pears organically, haying the back pasture, and planting so many berry-bearing trees and bushes we now have enough birdsong around here to keep me humble. Recently, he has added animals: cows, calves, rabbits, chickens. As a vegetarian, it is an odd adventure helping raise somebody else's meat. But if you are going to be a carnivore (or wear shoes or carry a handbag) this is the way to do it: conscionable with affection and care and abiding gratitude to the creatures who provide for us.

I guess the only other thing I should mention about my life is our project in the Dominican Republic. About eleven years ago, Bill and I started a sustainable farm-literacy center called Alta Gracia. Rather than telling you the whole long story here about why we are growing organic, shade-grown coffee; why we started a school on the farm; why sustainability is so important a concept for us all to be thinking about, I'll send you to A Cafecito Story, a modern, "green" fable I wrote inspired by our project. The afterword by Bill tells all about our own farm. Visit our website cafealtagracia.com and find out how to order our coffee, Café Alta Gracia, and maybe even visit the farm!

I'll let the three-part resume (www.julialavarez.com) fill you in on the blow by blow details: publications, presentations, teaching experience, awards. Actually, the best place to find out about me and my writing life is to read my book of essays, Something to Declare. I wrote that book for readers who were always asking me about writing and about my life. I haven't changed my mind all that much since 1998 when it was published, which is kind of gratifying, to think that certain things remain true, like that Frost quote from "Into My Own," in which he says that, even after death, those who meet him won't find him much changed from him they knew, "only more sure of all I thought was true." Nice when poems tell the truth, even when we writers are known for making things up.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Navidad en Miami





















Everyone has their favorite time of year. The summer, their birthday month, fall because of the weather, spring because of all of the flowers....I'm a big fan of winter. And living in South Florida, we unfortunately do not get to see much of winter. What counts as cold here is fabulous weather during any northeast September and needless to say we don't see much snow. But we still have the holidays - Thanksgiving, My Birthday, Christmas and New Year's all in a matter of weeks. There's no other time of year that calls for so much celebration. This year, Mike and I are also blessed to have something new to celebrate - a little Fuller.

I was kind of dreading the holiday this year. My second Christmas in South Florida and my second Christmas without visiting Dominican Republic or New York, where the holiday lives for me. Well, where it used to live I guess. Mike and I did Christmas at our house this year. My mom flew in from New Jersey, her first solo flight since loosing her vision...the things people will do when their daughter's pregnant! And it was just the three of us.

Mike handled the news that we would NOT be going to the "beautiful Port St. Lucie," well, beautifully. I kind of just told him that I wasn't going to go and he said, ok. He's always been good at picking his battles...one of the many things I need to learn from him.

So here we were. Mom and I went grocery shopping and bought everything under the sun. I have honestly NEVER spent so much at the grocery store but she was all about filling the cart. I made a pernil, under her tutelage, for the first time. And it came out surprisingly delicious. We've had mangu, fried cheese, salchicha and eggs for breakfast everyday since she's arrived - Mike officially LOVES mangu!
We put up a little tree (really little), and opened presents. We've slept and eaten to a glutinous level and drank and were merry. Don't worry, I was drinking Martinelli's while everyone else had some wine. Mom stocked my maternity closet and bought a crib! Baby's first furniture and something to fit mami's belly! All things to be happy about and thankful for.

So as much as I was dreading another Christmas in South Florida, it was fantastic. I got more than I could have hoped in terms of presents. I felt accomplished - I created Christmas in my home...practice for next year when we have a little one to be merry for.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Que viene mas Pan!

Happy Friday to you!

My poor neglected blog. I've been up and down and up again in the last couple months. But today is a good day and I feel like sharing.

As I'm sure all of you loyal fans know, Mike and I are pregnant! Well, I'm pregnant and he's along for the ride. Being pregnant is the most exciting and terrifying experience I've ever been through and I'm only at 14 weeks! But the excitement often outweighs the terror and every one's blessings and good wishes help me know that all will be well.

I especially wanted to share the big news – Mike got a promotion! It's still an hourly position but he did get a raise (woo-woo!) and he's moved from claims to adjudication – which is when people dispute claims, he's like the arbiter. There are more permanent (with benefits) positions in this department so hopefully we'll have more good news in a few months.

Celebration!

One of my coworkers got married a month before Mike and I did and she told me that her mom wants her to have a baby and she's worried about the cost and her mom told her – no te preocupas, los bebes siempre llegan con pan abajo del brazo. Don't worry, babies always come with bread under their arm.

Here comes the pan!

To top it off, I have a new dress on today and I feel cute for the first time in too long. I'm in the phase right before you're obviously pregnant but after your regular clothes stopped fitting you....so it's easy to feel...frumpy. But thanks to Ann Taylor and Black Friday, I have been saved from frumpiness, at least for today.

It's a great day.