Yesterday my husband and I celebrated five years of marriage. Five years doesn't sound like very long but according to the US Census Bureau, most marriages that end in divorce are short. The first five years are often the most difficult and Mike and I upped the ante by getting married very young, at 23 years old and having a baby almost immediately after being married.
As I reflect on the last five years, I hope that we can maintain the same level of commitment to this endeavor of marriage; that we can continue to evolve and mature individually and as a couple. I've read a lot of articles about marriage, a few books on how to stay together. There are a million quotes about marriage and just as many theories as to what the secret is to a successful one.
Five years in, I think all of the advice is different ways of saying the same thing. The secret to marriage is being in the other person's corner. It means giving them the benefit of the doubt, seeing past their crazy, taking their feelings and opinions into account and allowing them to be just as much an individual as they are a part of a unit.
I think all of this is particularly necessary for those who get married young. I am a different woman at 28 than I was at 23. I will probably be five different women before all is said and done.
"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."
Pearl S. Buck
The thing that no one tells you about marriage is how incredibly difficult it is. It's easy to be single, to be on your own tip and do whatever it is you want to do. Dealing with someone else's emotions, priorities and sometimes their drama is challenging. Consulting someone before you make decisions, accommodating your life so that it fits nicely with your partners, it's almost impossible.
But you figure it out because failure is not an option; walking away when things get tough...and ugly, it's not an option. My husband has absolutely never wavered in this respect. As we celebrate five years, I can say I will never waver again. I have only in our last year found the subtle strength and confidence that comes with having a real partner in every aspect of my life. Perhaps I am just now mature enough to really understand the point of marriage and revel in it.
Today, I am incredibly grateful for yesterday and every day of the last five years. May we continue to love and support each other, raise a noble man and help each other become the best version of ourselves.
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